Waiting For Tomorrow

Lost It All

It's saturday and I don't get to sleep in this morning, mum is taking me to the counsellor because the school had contacted her and told her a while ago that they are worried about me because i'm so quiet and everything, like yeah, good job, you finally noticed, it took you like a year.

I have seen her quite a few times recently, I used to always see the counsellor when Esther was alive and then again when she died.

"So how has you week been Silva?" Andrea, the counsellor, asks the same wonted question in a bright and calm voice. I hate how counsellors talk, like it's just so irritating, they're way to calm and composed, it almost sounds abnormal.

"Oh, I am just brilliant, never been better." I say in a sarcastic voice. I am so annoyed from the same question that I get asked every time.

Andrea looks at me knowing I was being sarcastic. "Silva," She says, "Whats wrong honey?"

"It's just you ask the same question every time I see you and I always have the same answer. 'My week has been terrible'." I reply.

"But you never know, things might change." She says hopefully.

"Nope, I very highly doubt it." I mumble.

She tries not to look worried. 

"Okay, fine, my week has been terrible." I blurt out.

"Why is that honey?" She asks.

I stare at her with one of those you seriously did not just ask that looks before saying "Because this life sucks, this world sucks, I am extremely depressed, sad, grieving, lost, broken and...dying." 

"Dying?" She asks confused and worried, "Why's that? You're not going to do what Esther did are you?"

"No, I just...I'm losing hope...but I will never do what Esther did, what she did was stupid." I lied.

The rest of the conversation is uncomfortable and fraught, i'm just wishing I could get out right then and there, when we get out, Andrea went and talked to my mum, I think she was telling her about the...suicide thing...Shit, why did I tell her about that.

The car ride back home is silent until mum opens her mouth half way and says, "The counsellor told me about what you said."

"What about what I said?" I reply.

"You said you wanted to kill yourself." She half yelled.

"That is so not what I said!"

"Silva," She says in a sort of angry voice, "The counsellor does not lie."

"Well I said that i'm dying, not that I want to kill myself."

"Exactly, it's the same thing."

"No it's not, I just mean't it in a way as in I am just getting tired and depressed, that it's killing me, not literally killing me, but you know." I yell at her.

Mum pulls the car into the driveway and I quickly get out of the car and hurry inside.

I get to my room, grab an empty bag and put some things in there such as my phone and a sketch book. Once I am done with that I grab a red jacket from my cupboard and storm out of my room heading towards the front door.

"Where do you think you are going missy?" Mum yells at me.

"Away from you, away from this place!" I reply in rage.

"No, you're not going anywhere, we need to talk." She yells back.

"I am not talking to you, you don't understand, so while i'm gone you better try to work it out, then we can talk."

"Silva, get back in your room!" Dad shouts storming into the room.

"No, you are not in charge of me." I scream at him.

He quickly moves over to me and I immediately regret not following his orders, then I feel a sharp sting on my cheek. Thats going to create a mark. He slapped me, and it was really hard.

I back away before it gets any worse and I run to my room with a face full of tears and a heart full of hurt.

Chucking my bag on the ground beside my door I think of how I can get out of this place and never have to come back. I hate this place. No one understands. I could climb out the window, but then also there is my brother, I can't leave him here with them. I could take him with me, we could go live somewhere where no one will ever find us. 

But thats not going to happen, it won't work.

I fall back on my bed trying to wipe away my tears, but I can't stop crying.

After a few minutes I pick my bag back up and open my window trying not to make the slightest sound. Once it is open enough, I quietly climb out not bothering to shut it because I don't care if they see I have climbed out of it, they will have to find out sooner or later.

I start heading to the park, I will spend my time there.

When I arrive at the park I see so many happy faces. I see people throwing balls and frisbees and having fun, I hear squealing in joy and laughter. I just wish I could be like them. I see families together, they are happy families, I wish my family could be like that, but instead we're the opposite.

I sit on a empty chair alone ignoring the tears rolling down my face and watch everyone jealously. I the decide to take my eyes off of everyone and look at the ground instead because it is not helping.

"Hey Silva, what are you doing here?" I hear a familiar voice ask.

I look at the shadow that person is forming on the ground in front of me yet don't bother to look up at who it is, I do not realize who they are until they sit next to me.

I look up and am able to put a name that face.

It's......

To be continued.

A/N: Who do you think it is?

And has anyone noticed what I am doing with the chapter names?