Trapped in my head

Chapter 45

Two hours later Meredith and Andrew were laying in Meredith's bed again. She had in the end accepted the vest again since it definitely helped her to stay stimulated in a good way. Andrew had tried to be there for her the best he could but somehow it seemed as if her state only got worse the more time passed. She had had another anxiety attack and this time it took her a lot longer to calm down than before. He was really getting worried.

He just watched her beautiful and soft face as she slept, hoping that when she would wake up she would feel better again, giggle again, kiss him again. He wanted her to be happy again. But then she suddenly got more restless, starting to move before opening her eyes and sitting up. "I can't sleep like this!" she yelled, jumping up and running over into the corner of the room, kneeling down and starting to rip the plugs out of the power sockets. After she had pulled out every single one in this corner she ran over to Andrew's side of the bed, starting to pull out the plugs there as well. "Mer, what are you doing?" Andrew asked concerned, watching her, not sure whether he should stop her or not. "I can hear the electricity flowing in the sockets." She said shakily, a tear running down her cheek. "Okay." He whispered softly, patiently waiting for her to sit down on the bed again. After she sat down again she kept looking at her hands for a few seconds before crawling over to Andrew, sitting down on his lap and cuddling into his chest. "Better now?" he asked, receiving a small nod. "I hate this." She whispered, slowly relaxing as he started to stroke her stomach again. "It's so silent but it's still so loud. And I don't want complete silence, but I don't want any noises. Why am I like this. Why doesn't my brain work the normal way." She whispered, starting to scratch her fingers again which slowly started to get bloody. He didn't want her to hurt herself any further so that he grabbed her hands in one of his, before reaching for the silver massage balls on the nightstand and placing them in her hands with the other one. "Thanks." She said, almost inaudible.

"And just so you know it. I love you, just the way you are. I love the way your brain works. Of course, I'd whish that you wouldn't have to go through this but- do you want me to tell you what I like about the way your brain works?" he asked her, gently placing his head on hers. "Yeah." She mumbled, still occupied by the little balls.

"I love how you always stick to your routine. I think its really adorable that you always eat at the same time, every day. That you have hair wash days and that you have certain pyjamas that you only wear on certain days." He begun.

"It would be stupid to just wear any pyjama on Mondays while it's obvious that the pink one with the white stripes is for Mondays." She mumbled, making him smile. "That's what I'm talking about. And I love that we can always talk about everything because- the way your brain works makes- everything so uncomplicated. We can talk about literally anything and it could never get uncomfortable. I love the way you think and- there is nothing about you that I don't admire. And on bad days, I'll be there for you because we get through those bad days together a lot faster and can afterwards enjoy the good ones even more." He finished. "We've been together for only a month now, but it feels like it's already been years." He added after a few seconds of silence.

"What does that mean?" Meredith asked quietly, making him smile even brighter. "Well, normally couples don't know each other very well yet after a month and usually there are things that you're embarrassed or uncomfortable about in front of the other but- I don't have that with you. From the first minute on I felt safe and loved when I was around you and this is a feeling that usually takes at least half a year to emerge." He explained. "This just shows again how uncomplicated everything is with you, just because you are you."

"I feel safe and loved around you too." She whispered shyly, not sure how to react to all the amazing things that he had just said to her. "Andrew, I- [...] I- " she said slowly, trying to think of what she could say that would make him feel good too. "I know Mer." He just said, smiling before gently kissing her head.

Turning around on his lap she laid her legs around his waist, looking up at him. For a whole minute. She managed to look right into his eyes for a whole minute! "Wow. This is better than anything you could have ever said." He whispered, enjoying this moment more than anything else. She had never managed to keep eye contact for longer than a few seconds and- this was her way of showing him how much he meant to her. She kept counting in her head, until she reached sixty and couldn't longer hold on, looking down and cuddling into him. "Best sixty seconds of my life." He said, making her giggle. There it was, her beautiful giggle, making his heart flutter. "Better than sex with me?" she asked very quietly, making his jaw drop. "Nothing is better than sex with you." He said straight away, rubbing her back. He was happy that Meredith seemed to be feeling a little better now, hoping that it would stay that way as long as possible. "You're the most perfect human on earth I have ever met."