Trapped in my head

Chapter 39

On Monday morning she was the first thing that caught his eye as he saw her standing at the nurse station. Something seemed off. Looking around he slowly walked over to her, smiling slightly as he saw her red nose. "Hey Mer." He sighed, making her look up at him. She had dark circles beneath her eyes and she was a little pale. "Hey." She whispered, obviously not wanting to speak.

"You're sick Meri." He said, making her look down. "No m'not." She whispered, starting to walk away. "Hey, hey hey, don't walk away." He said, running after her and turning her around by gently grabbing her arm. She sniffled quietly, making his heart ache. "You have a small fever." He said, feeling her forehead and cheeks with the back of his hand.

She just shook her head. "Stop denying it." He said, taking her hand and leading her over into the next on call room. "We were out too long in the rain huh?" he asked, sitting down with her on the bed. She nodded defeatedly, leaning into him. "Does your throat hurt?" he asked, receiving another nod. "Have you taken anything for the pain?" he then asked, kissing the top of her head.

"Tylenol." She said, not whispering anymore and therefore he could hear how awfully raspy her voice sounded. "Okay, good." He said, rubbing her back comfortingly. "I'm not going home." She then said, whispering again. "But you can't treat patients like this. And you should get some rest."

"Lives don't save themselves DeLuca." She said, smiling, referring to the day they had been stuck on the elevator and she had been sick too. He just chuckled in response, thinking back of that day too. "But seriously Mer-" he started, but she interrupted him.

"I'll do research today only." She gave back, sniffling again before coughing softly. "Are you sure?" he asked. He didn't want her to work and he would rather drive her home, tuck her in and kiss her goodnight so that she could get some rest. But he had learned to not get in her way. She was stubborn and didn't like it when her routine was disturbed. So, he would try to make sure she wouldn't feel too bad over the day and maybe convince her to take a few days off after work today.

She nodded again, looking up at her for a second. "But- maybe you could come to my place after work. I need some cuddles later." She whispered adorably, making him smile again. "Of course I'll come. I'll be there at seven thirty and bring some food as well, alright?" he said, receiving a smile as well as a nod in return. "Thank you." She whispered, leaning into him again.

"I'm sorry I have to go. Don't overdue anything Mer, okay? Maybe try to take a nap at some point during the day." He said as his pager suddenly went off and they stood up again. She nodded, smiling as he placed a kiss on her cheek before disappearing around the corner.

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While Meredith was sitting in the lab, doing research on a small project she had been thinking about a pretty long time now, she was getting more and more tired. This was frustrating her. Every time she got sick she couldn't live her days normally. She wasn't able to eat on time, she usually wasn't able to fall asleep and wake up on time and she usually had more meltdowns or panic attacks than usual.

And now that she couldn't keep her eyes open properly and that she couldn't breathe troubled her. A lot. The light was brighter than usual and she felt hot. She hated being sick. She hated it so much. Everything hurt and everything felt heavy and she couldn't concentrate on what she reading nor on what she was thinking. Slowly her eyes started to fill with tears. She could go home but then she would have to take a sick day and she usually needed her sick days in case she would have episodes so that she couldn't take the day off. And she needed to work because she needed to stick to her routine. Andrew had said that she needed capacity to process the daily things and the new things on top and if she wouldn't stick to her routine then she wouldn't be able to process what happened over the weekend.