Trapped in my head

Chapter 29

After both of them had walked into the bathroom Meredith slowly sat down on the closed toilet seat. "I can't." she whispered, looking up at him a little embarrassed. "Stand up again." He said and as she did so he sat down instead and pulled her onto his lap sidewards. With the protective suit he was wearing this position wasn't exactly comfortable but he needed to get her blood and make sure she stays calm in the process.

"Okay, now I want you to lay your head on my shoulder and close your eyes. And promise me to keep them closed." He instructed and as she did so he started to prepare the bottle for the blood and the needle. "Your eyes are closed right?" he asked, receiving another nod. And it worked, somehow Meredith felt completely safe. She had missed that feeling of being close to him. She trusted him and therefore kept her eyes closed the whole time, hiding her face in his neck that smelled like plastic because of the suit. But she could still feel his warmth and hear his breathing and that calmed her down. She still felt the little peek of the needle entering her arm vein but as Andrew kept talking to her to distract her she tried to focus on his voice instead.

"Okay, it's all done, you can open your eyes now." He said, packing away the needle and the blood so that she wouldn't have to see it. "You're really good." She whispered, not moving her head since she wanted to stay like this a little longer. The past few days where she had been in isolation she had felt entirely numb. She wasn't used to not- having physical contact to anyone for so long. And although Andrew had been there pretty much the whole time he somehow also hadn't been. She just hoped that all of this would be over now and that she could go home and sleep. Somehow she still hadn't been able to really deal with all the emotions she had probably felt or not felt because since she had been sleeping so much she didn't really had any. She had had no emotions and no feelings and she needed some time to cope and deal with them.

Maybe even without Andrew. Alone. But at her safe place, at home in her own bed. The past few days had completely interrupted her daily routine and she had difficulties dealing with that so that she would need a few days to get back on track. If she would be able to leave isolation after all.

Luckily, she didn't experience an entire shutdown yet so that she hoped it wouldn't take her as long as the last time to recover from this interruption of her routine. It just felt- unsatisfying if that was the right word to describe it. She needed this stability back and that would take a bit.

"Do you want to go back to bed?" Andrew asked after a few minutes of silence. "Would you be mad if I wanted to be alone for a few days if I get to go home?" she asked instead, catching him a little off guard. "No, of course not. You can take all the time you need and you don't need to explain it to me, I know it's hard for you to describe your feelings. Take some time and figure it out. And when you're ready you're going to call me and I won't be mad. I promise." He told her, holding her close.

"DeLuca! You need to get out now, ten minutes are up!" they heard Bailey shouting from the other side of the plastic foil. "I'll get your sample to the lab and then hopefully come back with good news in a few hours." He said, looking at her as she lifted her head. "Come on." He said, helping her up and taking her hand, bringing her back to her bed and tucking her in. "Everything is going to be alright." He said, looking at her one more time as she closed her eyes, before walking out of the room and taking off the gear and passing the small bottle with Meredith's blood to Bailey.

"I'll put a rush on that, we need to get her out of there." She said while slowly walking away. "Is Mer alright?" Maggie asked concerned, Alex and Amelia right behind her. "I don't think she's having a complete shutdown, she seems a little shaken up but I guess a few days at home and she'll be okay." He said, surprised by the fact that he was talking about her like some random patient. Well, she somehow was a patient but she most definitely wasn't random.

"She told me that she wanted to be alone if she would get to go home so I won't be coming over until she calls me. So- you will make sure she's okay, right?" Andrew continued, looking at his attendings. "Yes, of course. If she gets to go home at all." Amelia said.

"She will. She will be alright." Alex said before turning around and walking away. "He's not good at dealing with emotions." Amelia explained as they stood in silence for a few seconds. "I am probably right when I say that we're all useless until we know the results. I really can't concentrate on work right now." She continued, earning approving nods from both Maggie and Andrew. "We could go to the scan room and take a look at some beautiful brain tumours." Amelia added, receiving confused looks from her sister and her other sister's boyfriend.

"What? It's soothing." She said, shrugging. "Yeah, you definitely shouldn't be around people right now." Maggie chuckled, making Andrew smile small too. But he couldn't help looking at Meredith in the big bed again. She was a little pale, probably because she had refused to eat and drink a lot while she had been in isolation. "You coming Andrew?" Maggie asked as they wanted to walk away to the nearby scan room.

"I think I'm going to stay here." He said before the women walked away. He was too concerned to just leave now. He grabbed a chair from the nurse station and sat down in front of the room, not sure what he was supposed to do. After a few minutes of sitting there alone, Alex suddenly approached him. "Hey, I have a really interesting case in the ER and I want you to take over. Maybe the man needs surgery and I guess you need some distraction while we're waiting." He said, looking at Meredith.

"Really? You want me to do the diagnosis on a rare case?" he asked surprised since before, every time he had to work with Alex he had manly been bringing him coffee. But apparently this whole thing with Meredith had brought them a little closer. "Sure, you coming or not." He said and Andrew quickly followed him down the hallway and over to the elevator. It would probably take at least two hours until they would get the results and there was nothing wrong with some distraction.