THE SHADOW OF THE FIRE

chapter 8

Kyla pov
It was almost time for dinner and i was really nervous at the trought of being with all the team, especially with steve. I just wanted to make a quite good impression, i don't want anymore people looking at me like i could blow up in every moment. So after the thing with steve i just went to my room and lye down on the floor and i stared at the ceiling. My mind felt numb as always, just that this time there were voices in the background. They were growing louder and louder with every moment. They were my parents voices telling me that i am a monster, a freak, the hydra soldiers shouting at my every mistake, the red room telling me that i would have never had a family, that no one would have accepted me, all the stares that i got every time i walked down the stairs. My spiraling was stopped by a knock at the door. I sat up and whoever was at the door called my name
- kyla? Are you in there?
- y-yeah... Just a moment.
It was hill. I looked at the clock and i relized i had been lying on the floor for almost one hour. Shit. She is going to be mad. I told her that i would have been there for dinner. I took a deep breath and i opened the door.
- i'm really sorry, i-
- are you ok? I was worried.
- i- what?
I just stared at her in disbelief. Why would she be worried about me?
- you didn't come in the kitchen for dinner, i thought that after that thing with steve maybe you didn't want to see him.
I was speakless.
- i... No. I am fine. I just... lost track of time i think.
- if you don't feel comfortable with meeting all the team together, it's ok. You can meet them in another moment, maybe not all of them in the same time.
How could she read me so well? And why would she want me to be comfortable? My mind was screaming trap.
Hill was staring at me, like waiting for a reply. All that i managed to say was
- why?
Her look was puzzled.
- why what?
- why do i deserve all of this? I just did wrong my entire life. What i deserve is a cell, not this. Why do you want me to be comfortable? I never did something for you, i didn't give you a reason to treat me good. Why are you doing it?
She took a deep breath and asked
- can i come in?
- ok.
She entred the room and i closed the door. When i turned around she was staring at the bed.
- did you even sleep in this? Because it looks exactly like it was the first time i took you here.
Shit.
I looked at the floor and i thought what to say.
- did you sleep?
- yeah. A bit. The bed is just... I am sorry, but i... Have never slept on a bed this soft, it is suffocating.
I closed my eyes preaparing for the hit, but it never came. I looked at hill and she was smiling softly. This shit is scary.
- you could have told us, you know? We can get another one. Where did you sleep?
- on the floor.
- ok. You didn't have to do that. I understand your struggle. I was a soldier, when i went home it was so strange to have a real bed.
Oh. I didn't think it would have been so easy.
- thanks. Also, can i ask why you left military? If it is not overstepping?
She forrowed her brows.
- ok, i definitely overstepped. Sorry. You don't have to tell me. So i can just ask for another one?
- yeah. But i wanted to come in for another reason. To answer your questions, everyone needs another chance. Here we all have made mistakes, we all got another possibilities. This one is yours.
- thank you, hill.
Hill smiled at me and put a hand on my shoulder.
- you're welcome. Now, do you want to meet the team one at time?
- i would prefer that, yeah.