Insatiable Desires

Chapter 15

"Mumma," Nandini snapped out of her thoughts as Mahir slowly entered their room, his voice trembling in fear at the darkness surrounding them. Nandini immediately lightened up a lamp, surprised as he came in juggling with a plate of food. She immediately got up from bed, walked towards him and grabbed the plate and kept it on bed before picking him up and pressing a kiss on his cheek, while softly enquiring, "Arrey mera bacha. Ye aapne kyu uthayi thi?"

"Woh mujhe aapse khani thi ishliye," Mahir replied as she carried him to bed. She gave him a small smile as she made him sit in her lap. Breaking a piece of morsel, as she held it in front of him, he shook his head, making her frown, until he turned her hand towards her mouth and said, "Woh Papa keh re the ki aapko bhi khilana hai khana. Varna aapko phir se doctor paas le jayege mujhe chod ke." When Nandini still didn't open her mouth, Mahir pleaded, "Mumma aap kha lo na. Aap jab nahi the na, meko aapke bina ninni bhi ni aayi thi."

Nandini swallowed and opened her mouth slightly, letting him feed her. She sniffed, her heart feeling heavy and warm at the same time as they both fed each other. After finishing, she kept the utensils aside as he laid down in her lap, his eyes closing within seconds as he fell asleep. Her fingers pushed the hair falling on his forehead, gently grazing his face as he shuffled closer towards her warmth, and her heart for the first time since last month felt something other than bitterness and pain.

~~~~

The days flew by and almost a month passed since that unfateful day. Nandini had started to recover physically, although the emotional scars were permanently etched in her life. Nandini felt her relationship with her husband was rotting. He talked, she gave monosyllabic answers and he left, agitated. That's how it had been going since she broke down in front of him.

Nandini was busy folding the clothes at night when Manik entered their room. While she quietly went towards almirah to keep the clothes away, Manik closed the door behind him. As she was walking to bed, she froze as Manik stepped in her way. She tried side stepping him, but he followed her movement, making her look up at him, irritated.

"Hume baith kar baat karni chahiye. Essa kab tak chalega," Manik said.

"Mujhe nahi karni," Nandini said and as she walked away, Manik held her wrist, trying to stop her, until he froze as a loud sound echoed in the room as she slapped him, yanking her wrist away and snapped, "Haath mat lagayi mujhe galti se bhi!"

Suddenly, realising what she did involuntarily, Nandini froze. She took a step back in fear as Manik raised his eyes back at her, his jaw clenched in anger and hands fisted by his sides. However, her brows furrowed as Manik simply nodded his head and turned away. Nandini gulped as he walked out of the room without another word or a glance, knowing she had just finished whatever was left of their marriage.

~~~~

When Manik entered the room late night, he saw Nandini and Mahir sleeping together before he sighed in relief as he observed the empty plates. Picking the plates, he carried them and kept them in the kitchen before walking to his mother as she called him out.

"Kesi hai teri bindani?" His mother enquired as she held out a balm for him to apply on her paining feet. Taking some of it on his hands, he rubbed it on her feet while replying, "Khana vgera theek se nahi kha ri thi. Aaj hi khaya hai thoda bohot Mahir saath."

"Chalo acha hai ab theek ho rahi hai," his mother said and Manik simply hummed in response. "Tera sach khana nahi lagaya abhi tak? Kaha hai voh?" Before Manik could speak, his mother called out, "Nandini!"

"Maa rehne dijiye. Mujhe bhook nahi hai. Main aaj Arora Uncle ke ghar gaya tha vahi khaya tha thoda bohot," Manik lied smoothly, knowing if he said she was sleeping, her mother would taunt her in the coming morning. Few minutes later, he bid his mother a good night and went off to his room.

As he entered, he sat on the bed, his eyes moving to Nandini as she slept peacefully. It was the only time when he could stare at her without the guilt consuming him or her eyes, filled with nothing but hatred, on him. He raised his hand to push the tendril of hairs falling over her face behind her ear, but immediately pulled it back as he remembered what happened a few hours ago. He sighed out before getting up and laying down on his side of bed.

As soon as he closed his eyes, he immediately jerked them open as his mind flashed back to the small baby peeking at him while gasping for breath. His fingers raked through his hair while his feet shook as his mind overpowered his senses, thinking of all the possibilities this could have been avoided. An hour passed as he tried to sleep, but when the past continued to haunt him, he threw the covers aside and picked up his cigarettes.

Getting up, he moved out of the room, slowly closing the door behind him. Staring at the night sky, he lit up a cigarette, inhaling the toxic ingredients and exhaling them out, wanting it to take away the stress and pain and the memories with it. His eyes turned red as he tried to control the tears threatening to escape, his mind exploding with Nandini's cries and their daughter dying in his hands. Cursing under his breath, he threw away the cigarette before he stepped out of the house as his throat closed, suffocating him inside.

Walking towards a nearby liquor shop, he bought a bottle and sat down, surprising some of the village men drinking around as they noticed their Sarpanch. Manik rarely drank on a regular basis, except on occasions. Manik ignored the gazes on him as he purchased the bottle and left the shop. Moving to a nearby corner near his house, he sat under a tree, opening the bottle. As his head rested against the tree, his eyes closed and as his head again started spinning with various scenarios and cries, he chugged down almost the whole bottle in a single gulp.

Some time later, he felt lightheaded, his mind numbing and heart racing. Getting up, he walked back to his house and his room. As he came in and closed the door behind him quietly, although he failed to notice Nandini who was already awake. She continued laying down while watching Manik as he walked to his side of bed, fumbling with some of his steps, although she didn't think anything about it. As he laid down and fell asleep almost immediately, Nandini closed her eyes, not even having the energy to care or think about where he had been this late at night.