The Aftermath

This Life and The Next

It's been close to 3 months and slowly but surely things a getting better and easier. Josh and I have decided to let things happen naturally. We both know the feelings we hold for one another but because of the time that has passed, we want to get to know each other again. Which makes me happy, we have grown so much over the years it is only right we get to know the people we are now and not hold on to the versions we remember. We go out every weekend together and at first it was weird but I had to stop looking at him or the situation as an ex and my first heartbreak and as a first date or fresh start. I had to forget about our past together to enjoy that moment with him, and once I did that whole night just fell into place. Josh also spends a lot more time at my fathers' house than he did before I moved back and I spend equally as much time at his place. I have put finding my own place on hold because I'm hoping Josh and I will be living together soon. That's how great I think things are going. Damien and I end our weekly Saturday Facetime call and I start to get ready for the day. I laugh as I remember his face as I teased him about his girlfriend. She is really cool and very respectful of the fact Damien and I are still close friends. Tonie his girlfriend and I have become great friends as well.  She's incredibly sweet but also strong-willed and will put anybody in their place. In one of the first conversations we had, she told me she respected me because I put up with Damien when he wasn't the best version of himself. She told me I changed him which I replied we changed each other. I make my way into the kitchen where Dad is cooking. My dad and I are two peas in a pod, as always when we are together. He is still so in love with my mom it breaks my heart they never really got their chance, he however tells me all the time I'm the whole story. Their love made me and will make many generations to come meaning kids, like my kids. Then of course my mind goes to Josh. What the hell am I gonna do with myself? In any aspect of our life his age doesn't bother me hell half the time I forget that he is 13 years older than me, but put kids into the equation and I think that needs to happen like yesterday because well he's not getting younger. Lets not even get started on the whole my best friend is my boyfriends adopted son that really throws me for a loop even if we are grown at this point. You would think kids would be the farthest thing from my mind considering I lost my first child, but truthfully the whole thing just opened my eyes to how ready I am for children. I would love to be a mom and if I was a single parent that would be okay. I would do what I needed to no matter what for my child for the simple fact I couldn't image anyone, especially someone I birthed in the foster system being treated how I was. Ugh, what is this we aren't even in a committed relationship and here I am thinking about kids. ANYWAYS Dylan and Josie are coming at the end of the week. This visit was already planned before I blew up my life but they couldn't have picked a better time to come. I'm ready to give them all the details on Josh and me in person for example the shit at work. Two weeks ago Josh came to my office to check on me as he has done every day since my first day when he caught me in the hall crying. As we walked the halls to the teachers' lounge I felt like I was a timid high school girl again with the whispers that were going on around us about us from students as well as the staff my now co-workers but at one point my very own teachers. See the dilemma? This was brought to the principal attention and because he goes way back with Josh and his family he tried his best to help us but the school board is now involved and all we know is there is an investigation going back to six years ago. The only reason it got to the board is because that bitch Chelsea went over Mr. M's head to them. Mr. M thinks they only opened an investigation is because there was said to be proof of evidence. However before they can view the evidence or make a charge they have to inform us we are under investigation and the timeframe. Here we are two weeks later and still no word about this damn investigation. Josh talked to Mr. M yesterday he thinks that's a good thing because with a case like this things would move fast. He thinks that Chelsea couldn't produce the evidence or the evidence wasn't enough to tell of a sexual relationship. Josh made it know at that point was there was a short romantic relationship between us but no sex involved. Thanks to Mr. M we don't think we have anything to worry about now, it was the possibility of a long jail sentence that we were mostly worried about, he told us since I was a minor and I was no longer in the system they just need to know that I had an adult consent not involved in the relationship but any jail sentence has been greatly reduce especially since I can prove I was a virgin the whole time I lived here. We are mainly worried at this point because with the school files and the order everything happened Josh was my guardian but Mr. M is convinced they wont pursue once they know its not a sexual assaults' case. That doesn't end the rumors' and whispers like these are grown-ass people yet I'm the one left to feel like the shy high schooler. This whole thing has definitely taken its toll on me. Even if Josh is willing to do the jail time I don't want him to have to its not fair. My emotions are all over the place I'm sick half the time and the other half it feels like I'm eating everything in sight. Which is what I'm doing now eating peanut butter pancakes with a banana and some oj. Josh and Dad join me the guys are distracted in their own conversation. Or maybe I'm distracted by my thoughts either way.