The Aftermath

Heart Break on Repeat

Dear moms and dad

It's been six years since I met Dylan, my best friend, Josh, your best friend and Lucas, your first love and my dad five years since I fell for your best friend six years since my best friend spoke for the first time in years and six years since my first heart break. six years since I lost you guys. So much has happened in these past six years. First, Dylan convinced me to go to college in New York. He was looking for the girl that made him want to talk again, their story is so cute, its something straight out of a fairytale THEY ARE GOALS, and as far as me, my heart has been mended. I double major in Psychology and English. I have a real passion for the arts, I just couldn't resist.  Dad pushed me to do something for my soul. He told me that you told him that once, and every time I think about what his soul wanted, I can't help but think that was the night I was conceived. I'm getting off track though, so the arts became like an extra curricular which brought me Damien and he became everything mom. Not all of my firsts, but enough of them. We met sophomore year and he was the bad boy stereotype. I wanted nothing to do with him at first, but anytime he performed in class I was captivated. Then we ended up being partnered together and things started to change. My off and on switch wouldn't work anymore, but I didn't just give in to him or temptation. He changed he lived up to my expectations and standards. We have had love and adventure these past few years. I have given him my heart, body, and soul and he has truly done the same for me. He gave me a promise ring, and we moved in together with Dylan and Josie of course. Everything was perfect, literally picture perfect. Even with Josh, things use to be so hard and weird but over time, things went back to being good again. He was just my dad's best friend and I was his son's, they came to visit us quite often and it all just worked itself out. However, about two weeks ago I miscarried at six weeks, and all I wanted was Josh. It's like everything was suddenly just wrong; like I've been living with, sleeping with, happy with, and was pregnant by another man. I know it wasn't wrong, but my body felt disgusting and my mind told me it was because I was living life without Josh. Today, my therapist helped me realize that might be how my heart is coping with the fact I lost my child. I agree with her but my mind has a point too, I'm in love with Joshua. Momma, even after all this time, I don't think I can deny it anymore.

~six years down a lifetime to go~

I closed my old torn journal, laid in my bed and cried. I hated myself for loving Josh still. Damien is an amazing guy and he has changed so much just for my love. I eventually fell asleep, but after sometime I was woken up by the soft voice of my best friend, "Hey Lee", Damien says dinner is done, but before we go eat I wanted to tell you I got you plane ticket home".

"Why?"

"Come on, we have been through a war zone together. I know you just as well as you know me".

"What am I going to do with a plane ticket home"?

"The fact you even have to ask means you already know what you want to do. You just miscarried you could go be with your dad, but something else, well someone else is heavy on your heart. You have lived your life, you've been happy, you've matured, you've had adventure, and now all of you is finally in the same place. So, I need you to talk to Damien, then go home and talk to Josh. It's time".

"What am I supposed to say I'm an adult now, do you love me?"

"Lena you're a drama queen. You can figure out what to say on the flight or speak from the heart when you see him. First, you should talk to Damien. Your both have things you need to tell each other, and I'm not about to keep feeling like im lying to either of you for the other".

"Okay after dinner".

"No, do it now. Y'all will have the place to yourself. Joe and I will be back in an hour".

Over the years I have matured, yes, but I have also developed this thing where I react first and ask questions later. My reaction isn't always the correct one, and right now my mind was screaming for me not to react. I needed to consider how I wanted Damien to hear me out when I tell him that I'm leaving and why. As Damien enters the room, Dylan is leaving. All I want to know is what in the hell Damien has been keeping from me, and why has Dylan been in on it. Instead of saying something unforgivable or making assumptions, I say "Damien I know you have something you want to tell me, but I think I need to get this off my chest first if you don't mind". He simply nods his head so I continue  "Okay, so before I go on with this could you just answer one question for me... are you cheating on me? "not in the conventional way, nothing physical, but on the emotional side idk" I took a breath I knew exactly where he was coming from and I held no anger in me "thank you for that okay so.....

He sat and listened as I started from the beginning about my past, my adoptive parents, my birth mother meeting Dylan, everything we endured, how Josh helped, how Josh and I felt, my father, everything. I even let him read a few of my old journal entries I kept after all this time and then he spoke and he smiled. Before his words even left his mouth, I knew we were gonna be okay because his smile truly said it all, "I am so happy I got to be apart of your growth". I smiled, his smile was contagious, and we fell into a conversation reminiscing on our relationship. "We were truly in love and happily in love and Lena I will always love you. There is a girl though, and she makes my heart stop and my brain stop working and my voice mute. After what you just shared with me, I think she might be what Josh is to you. Whatever you call it, whether it be true love or not, soulmate other half it's definitely something worth fighting for. It's because of you I think I am good enough for her and good enough to fight for her. Tears came to the brink of my eyes at his words, "there is a girl for you like there is a guy for me but we needed each other to get to them". "Look at you all poetic and shit", and with that we were in a place where no love was lost no resentment was held. Yes, we might be single, but we will always remain apart of each other.

~ Authors Note: Lena is 21 as of this chapter making Josh 34. Lena did graduate high school at sixteen but she took a gap year and waited til Dylan got his diploma his junior to go to college so they did start college until 17 ~