The Aftermath

McKinley High... Welcome back...Again

What the hell was I thinking, why would I do this to myself? You see today is my 1st day as McKinley High's guidance counselor. The only problem is  It's not my 1st day at all, I was a student here just 5 short years ago. The end of my time here marked the official end of Josh for me. Even though we aren't together long before that. Now being back in these halls which haven't changed much at all, I can only remember the stolen moments we used to share. Yesterday my dad got back and we spent some much-needed time together. Josh went home about his business soon after my dad got back. I wish Josh and I would've had more time to talk or at least taken advantage of the time we did have. I feel like I'm just dangling myself out in the open for him and he is refusing to open his eyes. I told him I wanted to know if what we had then was real. He has to know I want to be with him. I do think I need time not just me but everyone involved like he said it'll be a new dynamic. It's just being back here where it all started is so much harder than I imagined. My day so far has been emails from teachers bout their students. Some ask about college, others about extracurricular activities. I'm halfway through the day and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and uneasy. I decided to go get some fresh air, and on the way outside I stop by the memorial of my mom Sophia gosh she was just so beautiful. I don't know why but I just couldn't hold the tears anymore. I cried for her for my failed relationships for my lost child. I didn't want to be spotted having a mental breakdown in the middle of the hall so I started walking again. And as if my life is one cliché after another I bumped into something. I was looking down trying to hide my tear-stained face. But the deep voice asking what's wrong tells me I've failed. Josh leads me outside and just holds me. After a few moments of being in his arms, I have enough courage to speak. "I want to talk about us. I don't want to get frustrated or for us to not listen to what the other is saying. I want us to be on the same page with things." " Okay let's do that" "I told you a couple of days ago I wanted to see if what we had was real and I do but what I don't know is what you want, would you like that too just forget everything else is seeing if that connection from so long ago still there in that way?"

"The easy answer is yes more than anything I've wanted you back basically since the moment I ended it in all transparency, we can't just ignore everything else forget the last five years I can't I won't"

" okay and neither will I'm not asking you to forget but we do have to decide if we want to move forward together and before you make your decision you need all the facts"

" Lena that's not-"

"no, let me"

"Okay"

I sigh and begin Damien and I made a mutual decision to end our relationship after my miscarriage". I look down pausing for only a second. " we love each other very much as always will but he just wasn't the person for me. I don't picture him as the man I'm walking towards down the aisle. I don't see him as the father of my children. I just didn't see forever with him and the same for him with me. we grew a lot with each other in the length of our relationship and we owe plenty of ourselves now to the other. Damien is and will always be family. but to anyone, not us it looks like he left me for someone else". I joke slightly trying to lighten the mood a little.

"or yall both left for someone else but he missed out no one's better than you Lena Renae"

"so cheesy Joshua"

we laugh wholeheartedly and my mood is completely changed from 15 minutes ago the feeling of overwhelming grief is now gone at least for a moment.

"I want there to be a us eventfully I would like to take things slow until we are ready."

"Well, how? slow no kissing or touching slow"?

"Not unless that's what you want?"

"hard pass it's been entirely too long since I've kissed those lips"

as soon as I hear those words I look up shocked but I see him leaning in for a second I'm nervous but just before the feeling could sink in his lips melt away any feeling of self-doubt and I kiss him with all the passion that is burning my insides and coursing through my veins. I don't know how long it's been but I feel someone over us casting a shadow blocking the sun. We pull away from each other to look at the person interrupting our moment. It's Ms. Reno, Chelsea Reno is a pretty woman, standing at 5'7 she has tan flawless skin it looks almost golden with long brunette hair. She is dressed for success in a knee-length skirt suit. She has always been beautiful and in return, I have always been jealous of her. I thought Josh would go for her, but even after the break up he never did. Not while I was still here at least. Maybe he did once I was gone or when he found out about Damien. I know I have no right to wish this but I do wish he didn't ever. I know he has been with women while we have been apart, but anyone besides her because I can see them wanting forever. Hell, I can see forever for them. "What no longing words or stolen kisses behind closed doors, all brave now because you are 21 and no longer his student."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I asked anger laced in my voice "Don't worry about it I would say get your story straight but I couldn't care less" she replies walking away. I turn to look at Josh and he spoke before I had the chance to ask the question. "We had a short off-and-on fling nothing meaningful" I look at him widen eyed "Yet, you told her about you and me?"

"what Lena of course not"

"then what the hell is she talking about Joshua "

"I have no clue. I have never talked to anyone about you and me, only the two people that knew and that was never been on school grounds"

"well she knows something Josh and I don't like it"

"if people found out will it change our situation? how you feel about me?" I can hear the worry in his voice "Not in the slightest I am just worried about the consequences that are waiting for us once our past gets out"

"Don't worry Lena it's going to be okay"