Love Hurts (boyxboy)

Chapter 13: No filter

"Did our interactions mean anything to you at all?"

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Josh opens his eyes to the sound of his alarm going off, with sleep being cruelly snatched away from him. At least the pounding in his head was a distraction from the dread of work and whatever the day would bring. He pulls his phone from the side...no messages. He half expected one from Simon, but was kind of glad he didn't. Josh was fed up of feeling obligated around people and having to justify his actions.

He lazily gets out of bed, taking a quick shower and dresses in the first decent shirt and trousers he can find, finishing it off with his good old metal glasses.

A note is left on the kitchen table from his dad. Reading...

'Hope you have a good day.
Love you'

Josh smiles to himself. His dad could always write it, but never say it. He picks up the note and attaches it to the fridge with a magnet before making himself a very strong coffee. He knew already that this was going to be the first of many.

As he pulls into the carpark, he sees the Scirocco already there, thankfully empty. He is grateful for his headache and tiredness dulling the dread of entering the office. But he was damned if that guy was going to see him crumble.

"You look like shit." Are the first words which greeted Josh as he headed into the small kitchen for his second coffee of the day.

"Thanks Rich." Josh utters over his shoulder as he fills his tardis mug, with which he has a bittersweet feeling about, to see the other guy leaning against the door frame, arms folded.

"A midweek binge? Why didn't you invite me? Rich asks.

"Didn't think it would be quite your scene." Josh turns to face Rich, stirring his spoon in his mug more times than necessary.

Rich shrugs off the comments. "So who did you go with then?"

Simon now looks up, eyes wide. Blood draining from his face, thankfully catching Josh's eyeline in the process. "Just by myself."

"By yourself?" Rich scoffs. "You saddo."

"Get lost Rich." Josh hears himself say the very same words Maria had said on his first day. Rich was put on this earth to annoy. Josh pushes past Rich to head to his desk. He can see Neil in his office looking a little hassled, scanning for something on his desk. Whatever it was, it didn't matter now. He didn't care or to put it more precisely, he refused to care.

"Glasses again, I see." Josh turns to see Maria looking over at him from her desk. "So I guess the contacts didn't work on him after all." She smirks to herself.

Josh's already thin patience coupled with how sick he felt was being pushed to the limit by Maria's comment. "Keep your nose out of other people's business...nosey bitch." Josh cannot help but blurt out the last part under his breath and isn't even aware of how loud it sounded until the whole office goes quiet and looks his way.

Maria, mouth agape puts her hand to her chest and Josh swears she is trying to force out a tear. Rich stands up from his desk. "What did you just call her?"

At this point Josh feels he has little to lose. If he was going down, he would go down in flames. "Well... Maria is an annoying bitch and you are a... is there a word to describe your pathetic personality?"

This causes a catalyst of events to occur in the space of five seconds with Rich charging at Josh with an attempt to punch him, Trisha getting up as fast as her legs will allow her, to try to pull the men apart, Maria frozen at her desk, covering her mouth in shock, Janet running to Neil's office and Simon sat very still, trying to suppress a laugh.

"Richard! Joshua!" Neil's voice booms across the office space, halting the commotion. "Office, now."

They both straighten themselves up and head into Neil's tiny office. The two men stand by the desk with Neil moving around the other side. "What the hell is this?"

"He started it." Rich points to Josh, who just laughs at the phrase. Neil now looks to Josh.

"Yeah, I started it. Whatever." Josh doesn't care. He just doesn't care.

"Rich, go and see that Maria's alright." Neil orders and points for Rich to leave, with just Josh and Neil remaining. Neil waits for the door to close before he sits down behind his desk. "What's this about Josh?"

Josh can't help but laugh again. "You... all of you." Josh points at Neil then out to the others in the main office.

Neil runs both his hands down his face. "Josh...look, I know you might have read things wrong between you and I, but I have made it clear..."

"Excuse me?" Josh cannot believe what he is hearing. "We both know I imagined nothing. I did not imagine your hand in my trousers..."

"Enough." Neil bangs the desk. This makes Josh jump, but he quietens. "Look...maybe my words were a little misleading and maybe too harsh when we spoke last, and no, you didn't imagine things..."

Neil begins to fiddle with a corner of a document on his desk. "You were a nice distraction but Josh, I have to think of my family...ok?"

Josh looks at the man, his boss, and suddenly it feels like a veil has been lifted. It's as if Josh is seeing the man for who he is for the first time.

Neil Rose. The man who made Josh's heart flutter, whose actions caused adrenaline rushes beyond belief, who was the centre of many of his fantasies, was, in fact, a sad, scared, and closeted man.

Josh takes a sigh. "You know, I feel sorry for you."

Neil leans back in his chair in surprise. "Sorry for me...why?"

"Because you're living a lie."

Neil laughs at this comment, now swivelling in his chair from left to right. "I'm not living a lie."

"Ok... let's see how honest you are then." Josh now invites himself to sit on the opposite seat. "Did our interactions mean anything to you at all?" Josh now mirrors Neil's sitting position.

"I already told you last night..." he begins.

"No, I'm not talking about your sexual desires, I'm talking about in here." Josh puts his hand to his chest.

Neil looks Josh in the face. His mouth goes taut, as he pauses for a moment. Quite a long moment. But he got his answer.

"Yeah... I thought so." Josh exhales a sigh, pushing himself from the chair to standing, looking over Neil, who now seems like a tiny mouse. He turns to open the door and walks to his desk, sitting down on his seat and placing on his headset. He picks up his coffee mug and holds it up to a stunned Rich and Maria opposite. "Cheers." He says, taking in a mouthful of coffee before getting to work.