𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 | Jaywon | ✔

17

As I leave the kitchen, Jay comes towards me. "You're not mad at me, are you?" he asks uncertainly. I look at him and shake my head "of course not". He breathes a sigh of relief and smiles. "I'm not seriously mad at you for anything like this Jay," I reply softly.
"I...I'm just so damn scared of losing you..." Jay admits. I furrow my brows slightly and put my hand on his cheek "I'm not leaving you Jay. I promise you." Jay closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. I stand on my tiptoes and kiss his cheek. Jay gently wraps his arms around my back so as not to hurt me. I pull my lips away from his cheek again and whisper "I won't leave you."

I can understand Jay's fear of losing someone important to him. He's already lost so many people. So many people have lied to him and used him. He deserves to be loved unconditionally.

Jay breaks the hug. "Where are the others?" I ask as we head for the stairs. "Heeseung and Jake are upstairs. Mom keeps writing her book and the other three are out somewhere" Jay answers my question. "What do you want to do?" he asks now. I shrug my shoulders "I would also go outside."Jay nods, "I'll work a little further. See you later".

I nod and then go out through the terrace door into the large garden of the house, which is actually almost a kind of courtyard.The area is surrounded by a wall. There are many fruit trees, a small shed and a pond. I spot Sunoo, Niki and Sunghoon sitting on a bench under a tree.

When Sunoo sees me, he gets up and leaves Sunghoon and Niki alone. Sunoo and I have time for ourselves for the first time. We haven't seen each other for ages and somehow it's good that he's here now. "I really missed you Jungwon," says Sunoo and I smile. "Me too," I admit. Sunoo grins. I'm glad that Sunoo is still the same. It gives me support. A little normality.

We sit down on a small wall that is built around the pond. "Now you have to tell me exactly what is between you and Jay. You fall in love with a mafioso?" asks Sunoo and grins. I lower my eyes and smile slightly. There's probably no point in denying it. Sunoo still knows me too well. "He's... he might be cold and stern sometimes. He seems emotionless but he's not. Inside he's still like a little kid. He deserves to be loved..." I say and then look at Sunoo. Sunoo nods "you kissed, right?"I shake my head. Sunoo opens his mouth "then it's high time! Jungwon I haven't been watching you for long but everyone knows you want each other. Just kiss him! And tell him how you feel." I sigh "that always sounds so easy..."Sunoo puts a hand on my shoulder "Won, he loves you. He loves you very much."I know he loves me but something is stopping me...

Sunoo and I sit on the wall for quite a long time and tell each other everything we missed. We always come up with something new that the other doesn't know yet.I look around the yard and sigh, "I don't want to leave here. It's so beautiful here" I smile dreamily. Sunoo nods and smiles as well, "It's really, really beautiful here. We'll definitely stay until we're all healthy again." I nod.

"Look!" says Sunoo and I turn around. Heeseung comes out of the house with Jake's help. Sunoo and I jump up and go to them. Niki and Sunghoon also come running."Hyung! Are you feeling better?" asks Sunghoon. Heeseung nods slightly, "A little. I need fresh air" he grins. Jake helps Heeseung sit on the bench and the rest of us sit on the floor."Jake, you can take a break. The others are here now," says Heeseung. Jake shakes his head "I won't leave you alone" he says firmly. Heeseung takes Jake's hand "Jake! you care enough about me Go take a shower and eat something, okay? You don't have to watch over me 24 hours a day, Jake. I'm glad you're taking such good care of me, but please don't forget yourself." Jake lowers his head and then gives a short nod. He then disappears back into the house. Heeseung sighs and takes deep breaths in and out.

"Why is Jake doing this?" Niki asks Heeseung. Heeseung smiles briefly "Jake is just like that. He feels responsible for the well-being of others. I also think it's really nice of him and I'm grateful that he's there for me, but he shouldn't do too much either. He forgets himself..."The rest of us nod. That's Jake. He is an angel to others and often treats himself as if he were the devil. 

We just sit and talk together for a while. It's really good to spend time alone with others.

"I'll go check on Jay" I say after a while and get up. I go up the stairs and see where Jay is. He wasn't down there...Where can he be?

I open the door to our room and see him at the desk. I close the door behind me and go to him. I stand behind him and bend down a bit. Since my back still hurts, I wrap my arms around his neck to support myself a little. I lay my head on his shoulder. "Hey" I say and close my eyes. "Are you okay?" Jay asks, seeming to turn his head slightly. I just nod."I love you" I say. My voice is muffled as my face disappears into his hoodie. "I love you too Jungwon. What's the matter?" he asks. "Nothing at all. I just wanted to be with you," I reply. 

Jay stands up. I release my arms from him and open my eyes. "Should I stop working? Do you want to do something?" he asks, but I shake my head, "I don't want to keep you from working. I just wanted to see if you were okay." Jay smiles "You need attention huh? Am I right?". I don't answer and somehow he seems to know he's right. He grabs his laptop and sits down with it on the small sofa in our room. He pats the cushion next to him and I sit down next to him. Jay places the laptop on his lap so my head still has room. I rest my head on his lap contentedly.

----

"Jungwonie?" I hear Jay's voice softly. I twitch my eyelids before I open my eyes. "Did I fall asleep?" I ask, blinking tiredly at Jay. He smiles and nods. I sit up and put my head on his shoulder. "You sleep like a baby" he says and I sit up to look at him. "You sleep like a baby too!" I say indignantly."Okay...but you're a baby" says Jay now. I roll my eyes and cross my arms over my chest. Jay pulls me into his arms. "My little baby" he smiles."I'm your baby but I'm not a baby". "Okay" says Jay and I look at him.

My gaze wanders to his lips. I close my eyes briefly, wanting to distract myself from the thought of kissing him.

I quickly sit up and look out the window. It's dark again. "Let's go eat something. I didn't eat anything for lunch," I notice. I get up and go to the door.

Jay runs after me and pulls my arm back. "You wanted to kiss me, huh?" he asks. I look away and nod slightly. "Then why don't you do it?". I'm very surprised that he asks that and look at him again "I...I didn't know if this was the right time and...I don't know if you want it. I was afraid of ruining everything," I admit. "Of course I do you idiot," says Jay and I think I hear a slightly desperate undertone in his voice. I look into his eyes "then why don't you just kiss me?" I ask challengingly. "Because I don't want to be the first," he says, crossing his arms over his chest. "What? Well then you have to wait. I'm really hungry," I grin. I quickly go to the door and run to the stairs."You're an asshole Jungwon," Jay rifts after me. I laugh "it's your own fault" and disappear downstairs. 

Below is Niki "why are you an asshole?" he asks and I stop. "Um, nothing important. Just a little discussion," I say quickly and disappear into the kitchen as quickly as possible.