𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 | Jaywon | ✔

12

I wake up and sit up. My hands are clutching my blanket, I'm sweating and breathing fast. 

I startle when the door to my room is thrown open. "Jungwon what's up?" Jay's worried voice asks. He turns on the little light and sits on my mattress. I look at him and take a deep breath in and out. I don't feel able to answer him. I am infinitely glad that he is here. I crawl over to him carefully and lay myself trembling in his arms. Jay wraps his arms around me and ruffles my hair soothingly. "Did you have a bad dream?" Jay asks after a while and I nod."They found us," I say, my voice shaking. "Who found us?""Agus. They've been here," I whisper. Jay gently pushes me away, "you're safe here, Jungwon. They will not come."I look at him anxiously "You said yourself that it's not safe here anymore.""You know I'll protect you," Jay says, taking my hand. I look at him desperately "that's the problem. I can protect myself Jay. I do not want...I..." 

I can't talk any further, because otherwise I would cry again."It's no use if you protect me and die doing it," I whisper, close to tears. "Did you dream that? That I'll be shot?" Jay asks and I nod. Now I'm crying again."Look at me. I'm sitting here with you and I'm fine." Jay's voice is calm and he speaks very differently than usual. Much softer. 

"I can't lose you," I say, almost as if I'm not saying it to him but to the universe. "I can't lose you either." I feel my shaking slowly stop. Jay pulls me into a hug again. I've never needed his presence as much as I do now. I put my arms around him. My fingers almost automatically dig into the fabric of his shirt. I hide my face on his shoulder. He doesn't seem to mind that my tears are soaking his pajamas. 

"I love you Jungwon."With these words, I lift my head slightly to look at him. He's never said that before. In the almost three years that I've been here now, he hasn't once said that he loves me. I wipe the last tears from my face with my hand and sit up again.I put my hand a little unsteadily on his cheek and look into his eyes.He looks at me a little questioningly.I gently turn his head to the side and place my lips on the skin of his cheek. I feel him smile and smile too before slowly tearing my lips away from his cheek. 

"Are you okay now, huh?" Jay asks with a grin on his face. I put my hands on the hem of his shirt and run my fingers along it."I want you to stay with me," I say quietly, avoiding his gaze. Jay lifts my head slightly by placing his finger on my chin "what do I get for this?"I now feel compelled to look at him and feel myself blushing slightly. "You can cuddle with me. I don't have anything else to offer," I admit. Jay frowns, which unsettles me a little."That's all I want," he replies, which makes me blush again. Thank God it's dark enough so he doesn't notice. I nod happily and lie back down. 

I turn my back to him and close my eyes. "What about my cuddle now?" I hear him ask. "You may," I say softly. Shortly thereafter, I feel his arms wrap around my stomach and pull me close to him. So close that my back touches his stomach. The butterflies inside me flutter around like they've had too much coffee. When he snuggles his head against my neck and I feel his breath tickling my skin, it feels like I'm about to explode. 

Also in the morning when I open my eyes, Jay is lying close to me. I'm relieved he's still here. It's nice to see him first when I wake up. I watch him. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps, almost like a baby. 

The sun peeping shyly through the window into my room makes his skin look honey-colored.I gently brush a strand of uncontrolled hair off his forehead and gently stroke his cheek. His skin is as soft and pure as it looks. When he opens his eyes, I quickly remove my hand.He smiles slightly "What time is it?" he then asks. I shrug. "I don't really want to get up," he says, taking my hand. "We have to," I remark and smile slightly as he strokes the back of my hand with his thumb. 

We startle when there's a knock on the door and Heeseung's voice asks "Have you seen Jay Jungwon? I can not find him. Jake found out something!" I look at Jay desperately. He gets up and goes to the door. "Jay! Then Heeseung will know that you are here!". Jay shrugs and opens it. Heeseung first looks at his little brother and then at me. "Don't think wrong. We just talked about something," says Jay, crossing his arms. Heeseung laughs lightly at "Of course. In pajamas, without having showered and at this time". 

I walk past the two, "I'm going to the bathroom," is all I say. 

I need to get out of this situation quickly.