𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 | Jaywon | ✔

02

I wake up around 10 a.m., I haven't slept that long in the last two years.I quickly go to the bathroom to get ready and get dressed, then head out of my room to calm my rumbling stomach. 

Downstairs, I'm greeted by Mingyu and Sunghoon. The others are all already on their way, they have to do something, someone to be precise.

I sit with my back to the front door and only hear the glass door being opened. I look up, now I'm alone in the room since Mingyu and Sunghoon went outside. I turn in the chair and look at Jay, he looks terrible. His suit jacket is hanging over his arm, he is dirty and his shirt is torn and covered in blood. His hair is disheveled and his eyes are red. I've never seen him like this, he just looks at me and then goes up the stairs. I quickly jump up and follow him to his room. 

There he stands at the window and drinks from a glass. I walk over to him and put my hand on his shoulder to turn him towards me. "Go away" he says softly and looks out the big window again. I shake my head resolutely and only go to the door to close it."Jungwon...please go," he repeats a little louder."I won't," I say firmly and stand in front of him. "Jungwon" he wants to continue but I interrupt him."No. You tell me right now what happened and then you let me fix your arm"He wants to pull his arm out of my grip again, but I hold it tightly in my hands "No arguments!"He rolls his eyes and sets his glass firmly on the table, then sits on his bed and rolls up the sleeve of his shirt.A deep cut appears. 

"What did you do?" I ask in horror and carefully dab the wound clean. He doesn't answer me, just stares stubbornly at his mattress while I dribble some disinfectant onto a cotton pad.I hold his arm and disinfect the wound."Ahh, man that burns!"I look at him amused "you get shot, burn things and kill people on a daily basis but that bothers you now?" "Mind that, man, you're really still the same bitch," he replies defiantly. 

Sometimes he really seems like a cute kid but then he's so grown up and attractive at the same time. Wait what?! Attractive?I didn't think so, I obviously suspect myself, if such a thing even exists... 

I close the bandage with a little glue and let go of his arm. "So?" I ask again. He sighs and looks at the white carpet his bed is on.When he still doesn't speak after a while, I nudge him lightly with my shoulder. He looks up and looks at me, only now do I see that he is crying.I get up and kneel on the floor in front of him, take his hands and look at him."Can I do something for you?" I ask him quietly and look at our hands.He wipes his tears on his sleeve and then looks at me again."A hug would be nice"I smile slightly and stand up slowly, I also pull him to a standing position, we are very close and I can feel his warmth. "Then you tell me what's going on, get it?"

 He makes an annoyed noise and then just hugs me. I want to fight back first, but it really seems like he needs that hug, so I wait and put my hand on his shoulder. After a while he lets go of me and sits back down on his bed. "I was in Italy because I was visiting our father... He is in prison there, he left us when I was 8 years old. He just left us alone" his voice cracks again."So he's not dead?" I ask quietly. Jay shakes his head. I sit down next to him and take his hand, he looks at me briefly and swallows the lump in his throat. "He went to Italy and never came back, I found him again and visited him. When I asked him if he regretted what he did, he said no. He didn't recognize me so I didn't identify myself either," he continues. I can't get a word out right now, so I hope listening is enough for him.

"I asked if he didn't have any family to visit him and again he said no. He has no children and his wife has died." Suddenly he gets angry "Are we nothing? Damn that asshole" he stands up angrily and throws a glass against the wall. I wince as the glass on the wall shatters. He goes to the wall and hits it several times, I quickly go over to him and grab his fist. "Stop it" when he doesn't react I get a little louder "stop". He cries again and falls to the ground, I sit down next to him and rub his back soothingly."
You don't need him. You accomplished all of this on your own! Nobody is as powerful as us, you are a good boss even without a father. Your big brother may not be here but if you need him I'm sure he's there for you." He just nods and leans into me, still crying. I've never seen him so exhausted, he's never like that. He's always strong, but I only now know what it's like when he's alone. "If you tell anyone, you're dead little one"
I laugh a little "alright".