yeux de chat / namgi

III. I know you feel a mess and your pillow won't dry

(a/n: that was the most horrible paragraph i've ever written and now i can feel all of those things, oh the things i do for fan fiction.)

the voice next to him kept trying to speak but a glass bubble kept namjoon safe. or maybe the bubble trapped him. it's hard to tell when both sides of the spectrum seem like hell.

namjoon could feel everything. the material of his trousers caught each individual leg hair and the longer parts of his hair were reaching down and touching his neck. what felt like a ghost's finger slowly touched the left side of his face. his shirt was hot on his shoulder and freezing cold in the middle of his back. his socks and shoes were tight and his toes were touching each other. a loose strand of thread in his blazer was touching his face and there was a hand on his shoulder.

"get the fuck off of me, min," namjoon seethed.

"i'm sorry," yoongi whispered but he remained stern, "listen, man, i want a good grade as much as you do so can we just get on with it?"

"i'd rather climb into a grave with your parents' rotting corpses than make this easy for you." yoongi felt a harsh static run through his body. "you can never know how much i want this, min. you fucking prick."

namjoon turned to his workbook and spun his pen around his fingers. there was no more sympathy left in namjoon kim. he only existed on earth to be successful and to make his parents proud and love him again. anyone around him who didn't help was an obstacle that namjoon refused to let stop him.

yoongi expected to feel some anger, resentment to namjoon's words but empathy seemed to work through his brain instead. why did he care for namjoon kim, a boy who didn't care for him? a boy that he ruined.

the guilt hadn't left yoongi and yoongi made sure that no one knew about that. in fact, no one even knew that yoongi started the rumour about namjoon. not even jungkook or seokjin, yoongi's closest friends, but jimin did and it surprised yoongi that the boy hadn't done anything with the information.

something was bound to happen sooner or later and that scared yoongi min and namjoon kim.

namjoon scribbled in his planner the details of the project all whilst having an internal, mental conversation with himself (multitasking extraordinaire).

'maybe we're being too mean. yoongi is still human at the end of the day and bringing up his parents was a low blow.

maybe this is just how life is. life is sickly and lonely, namjoon, you don't have time for anyone but your mother and father. blood is thicker than water, you know.

if life is how you say then we should put in the work to make it the opposite and you forget that the end of that saying is that blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.

the 'covenant' we speak of betrayed us.

who cares?!

our privacy cares! nobody needs to know anything about you, nobody wants to know anything about you. in fact, you should just lock yourself in a room and stay there until you die.

you wish you could, don't you, namjoon kim? well you can't. you're selfish for even thinking that maybe you could. you think you're so much better than everyone else that you can just leave your mess for someone else to clean up? you fucking pig.'