Overlooked-Tommyinnit

Part 5

tw: Self harm, overworking, yelling, suicidal ideation/ thoughts, eating disorder, alcohol, drunk, IMPORTANT A/N IN THE END PLEASE READ!

This went on for the last month.
I stay up all night studying, then I pass out sleeping for an hour and a half, get awoken by a nightmare.
You might wonder what my nightmares are about, well,

It's about how I'm always gonna be the failure child.
Will has his own band, TOURING AROUND THE FUCKING WORLD.
Techno is releasing his 3rd book in a month.
While I'm sitting at home.
Bawling my eyes out over my school work.
When did I become so weak?
When did I become so useless?

I pull down the sleeves on my arm, which is littered with scars. Both of them exactly. I fell down the rabbit hole I promised I'll never go back to. Will made me stop it, and told me to use the rubber band around my wrist. It worked for a while but then I craved it.

The way the real one felt.

My mental health has been declining if you couldn't tell. It's getting worse day by day. I don't know how much I can handle, all I know is that I can't keep living like this for much longer. I don't have a reason to hold on.

Maybe ending it all would be the best.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard my Dad yell from downstairs.
"TOMMY!" Dad yelled.
"YEAH?" I yelled back.
"YOU GOT AN A+ ON THAT GEOGRAPHY TEST, RIGHT?" Dad yelled. My stomach dropped. I heard him walk upstairs into my room.
"no...I'm sorry.." I mumbled.
"WHAT?! WHAT IS IT THEN?" Dad yelled.
"B+...I'm sorry" I immediately started tearing up.
"Disappointment. Do better. Don't cry or I'll give you a reason to cry about. Got it kid?" Dad spat.
"yeah.." I replied.
"Your brothers are coming in a week." Dad said while walking out my room.

When I heard the footsteps disappear, I broke down. I genuinely cant do this anymore.
This is also been happening daily. I cannot do anything without my Dad getting mad at me.
I realized I haven't ate today a lot, so I made my way downstairs. I froze dead in my tracks when I saw my Dad.

Beer in his hands, looks like he already had a few.

"Dad..?" I asked quietly.
"What brat?" Dad spat, his words were slurring together.

He was drunk.

I tried to run, but suddenly I felt a strong grip on my wrists making me wince in pain.
"Have you seen yourself?!" Dad yelled in my face.  I just stared at him in disbelief.
"I ASKED HAVE YOU SEEN YOURSELF?!" Dad yelled, pulling me closer, making my breath hitch.

"you worthless piece of shit. Look at you, so useless can't even keep up your grades? Have you seen how you look like? Losing weight wouldn't hurt. Those pathetic scars on your arms, asking for attention. You're a failure Tommy, you'd be better off dead" Dad yelled, he let go of my wrist. I immediately rushed back upstairs into my door, locking the door behind me.

you'd be better of dead.
you'd be better of dead.
you'd be better of dead.
you'd be better of dead.
you'd be better of dead.
you'd be better of dead.
YOU'D BE BETTER OF DEAD.

The voices were screaming at me, I can't handle this anymore. I need all this to stop. I don't wanna do this anymore.

Without me noticing I found myself in my bathroom, sitting on the cold floor while the red liquid were flooding out of my body. I loved the momentarily relief it did.

I loved drawing beautiful lines, on ugly canvas.

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A/N:

You guys are insane, the support has been absolutely insane. I appreciate all of you.
Thank you guys so much. This feels like a dream :]