i love u 💕

chap15

Vikram's pov:
Dont know where my life is taking me.
Its completely broken.
I used to get nightmare, horrible nights and long day's I've seen .
I thought that nidhi was my everything, my future with her.
This house, I've bought it with so much love , decorated it, like how she likes it, i thought to surprise her when she comes back from her trip. But she never came back.
I dint knew what i was doing, depression takes a troll on our mind and same happened to me.
Without thinking about any thing, i moved out of my home , i wanted to stay close to nidhi, this house which i bought for her, gave me a feel of her.
I know i had hurt maa and nanna alot, but im not able to do anything myself. Its like , i know but can't do anything.
More than anyone, i had hurt daksh a lot, i said WORDS to him which i never meant to say, but , it happened , he tried to console me ,
"What is this bava , what had u made yourself into, u are acting like a mad person,
u r hurting aunty and uncle a lot, and u had crossed that limit by moving out of the house. U better get back there before i drag u there by myself.Get some sence in your brains, nidhi is not going to come back, ever, there is not point in u being like this..."
" Shut the fuck up and go away, i dont need ur advise. my nidhi is here with me, and i will stay here only"
I was completely drunk and dint know what i was talking. I hurt him.
and he rarely talks to me now. But he never left myside.
Daily he comes to check on me. But never speaks anything.
I apologised but, he is still angry. I know i messed up a big time.
I couldn't help , i realised it but i can't come out if it,
Alcohol is my only source which can keep me calm and i started going to gym, heavy work outs and all , i started giving physical pain to overcome my mental pain.
Many things happened in the past few months, and i changed totally, i sometimes look into the mirror and try to get back the lost vikram, but it just gives me mental pain , i am not able to heal my heart 💔.
If i try, it only gives me more nightmares.

Walking inside the station i called my assistant,
"Jaggi, get the files of the raid case, i need all the reports on my table" saying i walked inside my cabin.
Jaggi, jagadesh  he's been working here since i joined, he is so good at his work, so he is kinda my right hand.
He know about nidhi, she met him when i joined here.
So he understands my state of mind and he work accordingly. Not to piss me off.
It is something which i developed lately, My anger issues.
I started showing my frustration on the criminals, hunting them down , it was much of a self mission.
What ever it might be, i have to be a responsible officer. Which turned me into who i am today.
Now im known with many names ,
BEAST, THE APC , HULK, HYDERABAD HERO, etc etc.
Nothing matters to me, its just my duty which matters.

I am not able to face my parents, im scared that i might hurt them more, I Am  NOT OK AND I KNOW THAT, family has to be handled with love and my duty doesn't need any emotion.
Its hard to explain, i need to help myself to get out of this pain from my heart, but i dont want nidhi to go away from me which is giving  me more pain. Im turning insane. I did my duty with so much dedication to divert and forget myself and the reality for sometime, but at the end of the day , when i get back home, its the reality.
I used to imagine and fantasise about the days after our marriage, me comming home after work and nidhi waiting for me at home., Now i come and see
an empty house , wake up call of reality.
____________________________
So what do you think abt it
Do let me know in the comments
See ya in the next chappy
Love
T.