𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐃, aleksander morozova 1

Chapter Thirty-Two

I DIDN'T USE MY POWER AGAIN AFTER THAT DAY. I went weeks, feeling that thrum of power that so desperately wanted to break the surface. It almost hurt to push it away, the way I did. It called to me, every waking moment and day. When I went to bed at night I couldn't fall asleep because of the feeling. It drove me to my breaking point, the point where I couldn't control my emotions and would cry for hours.

I thought of Mal, where he could possibly be now in Ravka. I thought of my father, I thought of my friends, I thought of him. The whole reason to how I even got this far, is the person who has lied to me from the beginning of all this and helped me find out my true identity.

Betrayal to him has never felt more excruciating and I despised it. I wanted nothing more in this life than to crawl out of my skin. Though my body felt such a rush of power, I also couldn't help the numbness that had taken its place inside of me. I could feel nothing, I was empty.

✦✧

It felt like years had gone by, but in reality, it had only been four weeks— of silence, of pain, and sadness. My skin turned paler and paler since I'd been locked away. I did not use my power. I refused to use my power, but I felt myself growing farther and farther from it, but I also felt cold emptiness and weakness.

My pain and suffering were wavering to their breaking point, I hated it. I didn't want to feel any of it. The guards outside my door were always alert, they knew when I was doing something Aleksander didn't want me doing.

I dreamed of my father and saw his face through a glimpse of my past.

"Father!" I shouted, running up to his wounded form on the ground, "No, please Dad." I whispered falling to the ground. The wound in his stomach bleed, unstoppable. I ripped a part of my tunic and put it onto his wound, trying to stop the bleeding.

He reached out, shaking hands taking mine, and shaking his head, "It's okay," he rasped, "don't be afraid."

I shook my head, grasping his hand tightly, "You will not leave me here!" I cried, "Please, fight it!"

My father coughed, blood polling from his mouth. He gasped, "There's nothing I can do," he said, "nothing anyone can do to stop death."

His hand slipped but I grabbed it tight and shook my head, fear was piercing through me, "No!" I shouted, "No! Don't you dare leave me!"

My father smiled and whispered, taking a deep breath, "I love you, Maira."

His skin turned a pale grey and I watched as the life left his eyes. I cried out, "No!" I shouted, tears polling in my eyes, "No, come back! You cannot leave me here like this!"

A pair of arms wrapped around me, pulling me from him. I shook my head and screamed, "Let go!" I shouted, "He is not dead!"

My father took his final breath, eyes on mine before they closed. Mal turned me to him, bringing me to him. I tried to get myself free of his grasp but he only shushed me and held me close to him.

I stopped and my head fell against his chest. A loud sob tore loose from my throat and I couldn't stop myself from screaming.

I awoke from my nightmare, pushing myself to my elbows. I sucked in a breath and whispered, "It was only a dream, your okay. Calm down."

The door to my chambers opened and I was surprised at who I saw. Baghra stormed through the threshold, the guards outside were... well dead maybe?

Her eyes were on mine from the bed and when she came around she grabbed my wrists, "Come with me, now." She said, pulling me up from the bed.