I WAS BEING LED DOWN THE SAME ROAD that Aleksander lead me down the previous day. There were two palace guards on white Lipizzaners in front. They had riffles at their sides: riffles of gold and polished brown. I didn't know how long we'd been on the mudded road for, the only thing my brain could comprehend was that it was a very chilly morning out for it being late summer. I had to pull my Kefta extra tight around my body from the cold breeze that ghosted my skin; the sun was barely just past the horizon, with a soft glow hitting over the wetted trees.
We arrived at the Hut a few minutes later and one of the guards helped me dismount my horse before departing back to his horse. I gulped feeling the adrenaline rush through me, the lump in my throat only growing once I reached the door, it was cracked open, I felt a gush of coldness hit my skin once the door was opened all the way, it was nothing like the morning coldness, it was like winter cold freezing and helpless. I wanted to escape this, I didn't want to face the woman again, I didn't want to hear her bitterness again, but I had too. It wasn't really a choice, but it was for Ravka.
The stairs creaked as I made my way down then slowly. Baghra was up standing by the fire pit with her cane in hand, she sighed straightening her stance, "You're late." She said coldly but didn't turn to me. I didn't say anything— well actually it was more of like: I didn't know what to say to her. I definitely didn't really want to be nice because she hadn't necessarily greeted me in the best way and, she'd made a comment on my wellbeing because I wasn't really what she'd been expecting? It was that or my looks. But again: what was I supposed to look like?? Hated to break the ice but they shouldn't have expected beauty to be the key to a safe country, because that wasn't always the solution and besides Aleksander said so himself.
Baghra turned to me before gesturing to a wooden chair in the middle of the room. "Sit," she said sharply, I obeyed without hesitation looking down at my hands; She hummed. "Good," she added "You follow commands," I shifted uncomfortably as she circled my chair. But then she hit my ankle with the cane once she had rounded to me, " Ooow!" I hissed glaring daggers at her, rubbing my throbbing ankle. She scoffed in response, "The first rule you will follow when training will be: always keep eye contact with the instructor." She hit my thigh and I growled.
"Two: Watch your tongue," She tutted, circling me again. I growled out in frustration, "Aren't you supposed to be training me instead of abusing me," I hissed. "Do you want to learn how to use your power of not?" She asked brows furrowed and eyes cold, clearly ignoring my comment. I sighed as she circled me again, "Arms out," She curtly said cane hitting the side of the chair. I sighed, following the command, "Call that light, demand it's presence." She almost sounded desperate there for a second, but I ignored it as I close my eyes.
"Your tense you need to relax your body," I sucked in a breath; inhaling and exhaling before I felt some of the tension leave my body. "Good," Baghra started, "Now call upon the light, let that light engulf you: manipulate it." I kept my eyes closed but this time all the tension was gone. I thought of Mal, I thought of the Darkling, I thought of my father. I thought of peace—
I didn't feel a burning sensation, didn't feel needles prickling at my skin, didn't feel anything— I tried with everything in me to call to the elements of light, I demanded their presence to be shown, I pushed and pushed demanding them to answer my callings; but they didn't come. Baghra tutted with a low sigh. "You're overthinking this too much. Just call to it." I kept on trying. The tension with each strike of the cane hitting the chair legs and arm rests continued, irritating me further. "Call to it," She repeated with venom, her breath ghosting my face.
No needles, no pain, no pleasure, nothing. I felt nothing. The light refused to answer my callings.... it denied me. I wanted to feel that power, pushed for it so hard but nothing, nothing came. Thoughts started to pool my brain; I felt my eyes water unknowing tears welled up. "I can't—" I mumbled. "It won't answer me. Why won't it answer me?" But Baghra shouted again but hit my thigh.
"Make it come," She bit out. I sighed out shakily feeling pain rush through me. Force it to answer. I pushed again but this time harder.... Stronger with everything I had. I gritted my teeth together heaving heavily with beads of sweat rolling down my forehead. Why aren't you following my orders?! I shouted in my head. Obey your summoners call, obey it, A gush of wind exploded from my body sending Baghra back into the closest wall. I opened my eyes, and a bright light was doming around us, a dome of shadows and light, I gasped, Releasing a deep breath.
Baghra groaned from the ground, setting up with wide eyes. She looked scared, Like I had done something horrible. She got to her feet walking up to me from my spot on the chair, "— how— the hell did you do that?" She stammered. I furrowed my brows but was mostly in awe of what was casted overhead around us. She was looking around the dome frantically and back to me. "How did you—"
"What are you talking about?" I asked, weight on my shoulders was lifting, nothing was there. But an off sensation I couldn't even describe was fulling my veins. She looked at me with skepticism, "Nobody has ever known how to do that," She sad gloomily in my face, I shook the hand that was grasping mine painfully away from her grasp. I shook my head. "I don't know." I chanted, the light was bright and silver, white, something I'd never known to be so beautiful.
"Don't lie to me—" she tried grabbing at me again, but I got to my feet and stepped away. The dome vanished in an instant. "Don't touch me." I hissed. "I don't know how I did this. I don't know how it was even possible! Okay— I couldn't feel anything: couldn't feel any power." I wiped at me eyes that had been drenched in water. She shook her head. "You are weak." She deadpanned stepping into my personal space. I rose an eyebrow at her. She calls me weak after what just happened. Was she serious?
"I just did something I didn't even know I could do and all you have to say is that I'm weak. You're pathetic." I snarled at the woman. She gulped down at breath before stepping back. "Go." She whispered. "Tomorrow bright and early." I wanted to snap a remark but growled out marching up the stairs.
We rode back to the palace in silence by the time we got back it was lunch time, but I didn't pay mind into eating right know. I was too frustrated, to angry. I stomped my way to my chambers and slammed the door shut. I walked over to the vanity and sat down. I've never so much anger in me before but I didn't care. I wanted to scream to shout but I didn't want to draw attention on myself. I looked at my reflection and my face was red, pupils blown wide with anger. And for once I looked like I could kill somebody, anyone, and for the first time in my life— I was truly scared of myself.
To be continued.......
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𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐃, aleksander morozova 1
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