𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐃, aleksander morozova 1

Chapter Eighteen

THE NEXT COUPLE OF DAYS GO BY WITHOUT A word from Aleksander, but I didn't necessarily blame him for keeping his distance. The kiss we'd shared only just three days ago had been completely unexpected. But it just felt so right. I didn't know if it was just me but— when we kissed there was just something about it that made me want to get closer to him, know the real him, be with him. I know it sounded ridiculous and we could have just been caught up in the moment— at the right time but he'd acted different around me, it wasn't just because I was powerful, it was because maybe deep down or just generally he  felt the same way as I did.

The days past by in a blur of silence. I didn't see Genya that much because of the queen and, Baghra hadn't been present since the dinner. So to keep myself distracted: I trained, I read books on Grisha Mythology and Sankt Ilya in between free times. Some days I stayed in my room and tried summoning, which I'd failed doing so Greatly. In training sessions in which manipulating your power was required I would observe the other Grisha, their hand movements in particular. But then I was reminded of that 'everyone has there own techniques when it comes to practice' my dad use to tell me.

I didn't necessarily know what he meant back then but I'm pretty sure I do know. I kept myself calm, I put my mind to the happiest of thoughts and, I demanded.

"Still not quite right," Genya's voice rang. "I see your still struggling with summoning," She observed.

I blinked at her before nodding, "I just don't understand—" She cut me off, "It takes a lot of time and practice."

"But that's all I've been doing!" I huffed, "I've been working so hard and still I get nothing."

"Well if it helps I find it easier to not think on the past and think of the future." Genya pat my shoulder settling down next to me on the floor.

I scoffed shaking my head before Genya nudged me with her foot, "Seriously it works,"

I shook my head turning to fully face her, "It's not that simple to let go of things," Genya's eyes flooded with pity but i was quick to remove it. "Everyone has their own techniques,"

"True but I think trying to think of the futures events are way better then events of the past."

"And if that doesn't work?" I challenged her which only earned me an eye roll. "Then you're pushing yourself to hard,"

☪︎

The days continued on with the same routine, only difference was I was beginning to see Aleksander again, but he still didn't talk to me. He avoided me at every cost even if we were side by side to one another, but even then it was awkward. He would glance at me every now and then, when we'd see each other, we'd flash small smiles sometimes when we'd walk different ways, giving curtsies. But other then all that no words spoken.

By the end of that week the frustration began, I wanted to talk to him; I wanted to see him. I wanted so many things such as answers. But I was just as equally anxious to doing so. It was still tempting but the cowardice that I held pulled me away from doing exactly what my heart had been trying to push me to do, I thought myself stupid for letting fear take over whatever the feeling I had for Aleksander was, but I knew I wasn't strong enough to face him in heart. I'd even tried writing what I'd felt on parchment—failed.

"—In all my years of knowledge," I began under my breath, "I'd never thought it would be so hard to put these stupid feelings into words," I lolled my head back until I felt the coldness of the chair top.

"Good saints, Maira." I sighed, blinking up at the ceiling. "Get you're shit together,"

☪︎

Another week passes again— same routine but writing to Mal even though he'd been sent out to the borders all the way across Ravka. But I just couldn't help myself for being worried about him. He was still my best friend after all, even though I knew he'd probably had other worries at the time being but I'd also still hoped he knew I was safe and in the hands of Grisha: and besides the whole breakage of Fjerdans was because of me. They wanted me dead at the stake because of my power.

"Kirigan wants to see you," Ivan's rough voice broke through my trail of thoughts. "—Now,"

I sighed, glancing at him with book in hand before slamming it shut, getting to my feet. My thoughts had been filled, a part of me was really dreading too see. We hadn't spoken in weeks and my brain was fueling with thoughts— what is it he wants? Does he regret it? Is he going to ignore the fact that we'd kissed?

We took our time getting to Aleksander's chambers. I kept to a steady pace, the closer we got the more nerves grew.

Aleksander's black doors came into view and, my breath hitched in my throat. Ivan didn't stop at Aleksander's doors he kept walking leaving me to myself. I stood in front of his doors taking in a deep breath my hands had began to sweat and shake. My mind was debating with its self. I wanted to grab the knob and just throw the door open and run into there and just kiss him again, but at the same time I wanted to just turn around and walk back to my room.

I didn't know how long I stood there before my hand reached forward to turn the knob and then sighed once I had. I pushed the door open, walking into the room before I felt and arm wrap around my waist.

To be continued....

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