Hurt People Hurt People

Chapter Seven:

I didn't speak to my parents much the next day, and the silence was mutual. Out of the time that I'd been interrogated, forced to stay awake long through the night when I was already struggling with sleep, not one word of comfort came from their mouths, except for a pitiable "we're not blaming you" from my mum as I finally stormed upstairs.

You're not blaming me? I wanted to scream. How dare you? All you've done for the last two hours is accuse me!

It was like a slap to the face. The relief I'd felt washing over me as Alex re-entered my life was overwhelmed with the shadow my parents had cast last night. I'd been so sure that, if they did find out, there would be so much support and love waiting for me. Of course I couldn't have told them, but the part of me that knew they'd discover it sooner or later was so wrong in thinking they ever could understand.

"You don't even understand yourself," The Voice snapped, snidely. "How the hell can you expect them to?"

"They're my parents. I shouldn't have to expect them to."

"You're their daughter. They shouldn't have to expect you to understand them, either - you just should."

"Can you at least try to help? All you do is contradict everything I say and try to manipulate me!"

"I'm not even here. I'm in your head. If everything that I say is manipulative, maybe that's because everything is manipulative in your head," The Voice said, then it went quiet, no matter how much I shouted at it.

My brother's birthday was just as fun for him as any other of his birthday's would be, but to me the usual joy of watching him was sapped from the experience. I felt disjointed, like I was viewing an old video instead of actually being there. While everyone laughed and joked and sang, I sat in the corner and spectated their fun.

Then dinner came, and I was dealt another blow. I found the knot in my stomach - which I'd been relieved to know was unravelling - had screwed back up into a ball tighter than ever, and I couldn't even finish half my food.

I wanted to throw my plate across the table at my parents in frustration. All my effort and pain that had just started to pay off had been completely undone by them in one fell swoop. Worse, they didn't even know. All they saw was me fussing over my food.

I went to up to my room utterly crestfallen that evening, exhausted by the day's excursions. Collapsing on my bed, I let out a sigh of relief, opening up my phone. As I did so, my heart soared.

Alex?!:
Heyyyy

You:
Hiiiii

From that moment, the day stopped bothering me. All I could think or care of was that moment right then, the delight it gave me to talk with him.

We chatted a further half hour or so, asking silly things such as "what's your favourite animal?" Or "what's you favourite colour?". Then suddenly the tone of the conversation shifted a little, almost unnoticeably - but not to me.

You:
How are you?

Alex?!:
I'm OK thank you, you?

You:
good that we're both actually ok!

Alex?!:
For now

You:
Yeah . . .but at least we have the now

Bright side for everything!