. . .
"When you really love someone, you see all their mess and their brokenness, and you love them anyway. In fact, seeing all of that sort of makes you love them more."
― Heather Hepler
. . .
He had suspected as much, of course.
"...Oh."
But it still hurt.
He swallowed the sudden lump that formed at his throat at that, suddenly very glad that Winters couldn't see the hurt he was definitely sure was written all over his face.
"...I see. I'm s—"
"...because the moment I get to be with you, it feels like instead of meeting someone new, it was like remembering an old friend I never knew I had all over again. You were a stranger, but some part of me felt like I have known you. Like I should know you. And you have no idea just how frustrating it was for me to want to trust you so easily when I couldn't even believe in myself. I... I wanted to tell you everything," Winters confessed, expelling a heavy sigh at the end, one that sounded like defeat, like it came from somewhere deep within her heart.
And Alastor's head snaps to look back at her, a bit awed and thrilled because this is probably one of the very few times he had heard her talk a lot in one go.
She stares back at him, eyes wide, as if even she was surprised with her words herself, but when he didn't—couldn't bring himself to—say anything, she hurriedly added: "But I didn't know how, or when, or even if I should talk at all because I... I was... scared that you wouldn't want to stay if you knew what kind of trouble you're signing up for once you get involved with me. I don't want to burden you with my problems. It's not fair and you don't deserve that. Because, if only you knew that... I... I just don't want to get my hopes up once I get too attached because I know I will and I... I can't."
"Can't what?" Alastor asked, already guessing the answer.
She visibly swallows, doesn't say anything.
He smiled, gently, "I'm still here, aren't I?"
"Yes," she nods, "And I'm... very grateful for that."
"Winters, you know I never wanted to rush you I–"
"You didn't."
Alastor sucked in a breath, awed.
"...and you still wonder why I couldn't bring myself to trust you?" a harsh, wet sounding laugh escaped her lips, "Everyone that I have met usually wanted me for something. You are probably the only one who wanted me for me—and you have no idea how frightening that is because I don't even like myself."
His eyes widened, his heart feeling like it was about to shatter at that, "I... didn't mean to scare you, Winters. I told you we can still stay friends, right? If you want...? Please–" just don't leave me.
Alastor had waited for so long to know if his mate existed. He had always wanted to meet her, be with her before he even get to know her name. He'd rather freeze and starve to death, than go back to being lonely. He can't go back to simply living like that. He can't. Please, Winters.
Don't make me go back.
"No, I... I don't mean it like that. I am so sorry for worrying you, Alastor. Or causing you any trouble," he hurriedly stomped down his mounting panic at that, "It's okay. We... we're going to be okay. I already promised that we'd stay together if that's what you want."
