An unwanted one year anniversary

Chapter 35

"Hyung please, come with us to the ICU" Namjoon tried once again but the oldest member remained silent. Seokjin had turned on his side so he was facing the wall as he was buried underneath the hospital blankets. The boy hadn't left his bed since his breakdown yesterday, apart from the short pit stops to the restrooms every now and then.

"No Jimin wait!" the young rapper yelled when the younger boy wheeled out of the room at the same time. The 95-liner was getting impatient since he had been asking to go the other department of the hospital after waking up an hour ago. But as much as Namjoon wanted to go the ICU as well, he didn't want to leave Seokjin alone. He, Jimin, Seokjin and Yoongi were sharing a room in the general ward, but the oldest rapper had left a few hours ago after waking up due to a panic attack. Even though the panic attacks had become less frequent, it still worried Namjoon that the most grounded member was now this unstable. Bad news or a nightmare would be enough for Yoongi to send him spiraling down and it took a lot for him to get out of the panic attack again. It was positive that Yoongi was accepting therapy, but the psychologist had shared her concerns and even suggested to start with anti-anxiety medication, which he refused to no one's surprise.

Another member that the psychologist was concerned about was Jimin. The boy had confessed to hear voices in his head that kept telling him that everything was his fault, despite hearing the opposite from his hyungs. The comforting words reassured him a little bit, but it was not enough however. The easiest and most effective way to get some rest in his head was pain, even though it lasted for only a few seconds. Jimin knew it was wrong to hurt himself, but hearing voices in his head 24/7 would make anyone crazy, especially when he was exhausted. So the psychologist had decided to start with medication, anti-psychotics to be more specific. But unlike Yoongi, Jimin didn't had a choice if he wanted the treatment or not since he was deliberately seeking pain and therefore being a danger to himself, and that meant that this treatment was nonnegotiable. But she still needed legal approval, something Sejin had given since he was taking over from Namjoon for the time being. The young rapper was offended at first after hearing that the manager had made a decision about one of his members without consulting him first, but after some consideration he was actually glad that he had done it.

Ever since they had arrived at the hospital Namjoon felt himself crumbling down. It was all too much for the young leader. Usually he was proud having a lot of confidence and the talent to speak up for himself and the other members, but the past couple of days he noticed that he was losing control. It seemed like he couldn't make a decision anymore, even choosing what to eat was a big struggle. Let alone deciding to give consent to one of the boy's treatments. So deep down he was immense grateful for their manager to step up to help him right now, but he also couldn't help to fell nervous not knowing everything anymore. Having troubles to make decisions wasn't the only thing that was bothering him. During nighttime he had woken multiple times due to thoughts that kept wandering in his heads. The most obvious ones where about Jungkook and Hoseok because it was unsure if they were going to have permanent damage from their injuries, but one particular topic was troubling him a lot: his abilities to be their leader.

Every single member had a distinguished part in their group, making them one solid unit together. Starting with the youngest, Jungkook is their pillar during performances. They could always rely on him because of his talented voice and never-ending stamina. The second youngest's deep voice always blended in perfectly with the other three singers and his visuals where out of this world. Jimin and Hoseok were both known for their dancing abilities, but for the group their nature to take of the others was more prominent. And then there was Yoongi, the mastermind of countless songs they had produced and lastly Seokjin, the glue that hold the group together. But Namjoon, he was their leader. The one who took care of everything along with the managers so they rest could focus on themselves and their performances. Last year the hyung line had a long talk after dinner one night, concerning the fact that Namjoon was carrying too many responsibilities on his own. It was hard, but eventually the boys had convinced him to share more with them. It lasted only three weeks before the leader stopped doing it after noticing how it affected the rest. Yoongi's already short nights were getting even shorter, Hoseok was getting emotionally constipated during dance rehearsals and Seokjin was getting more protective than ever before.