~ Together by a String ~ (Jiyoo)

~17~

"Hurting myself... How could I be hurting myself when I'm trying to protect myself?"

I was actually getting annoyed and wanted to call her to ask her what she meant by everything, but I saw another person's number on my recommendation list. I remembered a talk I had with Yoohyeon a while ago and her telling me that this person gave great advice. I was contemplating to call her.. but still did it in the end.

"Oh Minji? What's up?"

"Hey Dami. I know it's late, but can I ask you something real quick?"

"Uh, sure? Is everything okay?"

"I don't really know how to ask you this, but can we meet up? Like.. now?"

"Meet up? Minji, it's past 10 PM, why do you want to meet up so late? Can't you ask me tomorrow?"

"Please..?"

I heard her sigh and stay silent for a bit. I was getting worried if she hung up the phone, but I heard a door getting opened from the other side of the line and she finally spoke again.

"I'm out now. Where are we going to meet up?"

"You know where Sayu market is? There."

"There..? Well, okay, see you in 10 minutes and it better be something important."

"You could say so.. See ya!"

She hung up and I quickly put on my cardigan and shoes and left in a hurry. I reached the store and saw her drinking juice and crouching to the ground. Dami noticed me and motioned me to come to her. She pulled out a small box of juice and handed it to me. I smiled at her and noticed how worried she actually was for me.

"Are you going to tell me what's the matter? Why did you want to meet up here of all places?"

"This is actually the place where that beating 4 years ago happened."

I heard a slight surprised sound coming out from Dami and she pursed her lips because she didn't know what to say to make me feel better.

"Sorry for asking.."

"It's fine, I wanted us to talk here anyway."

"So, what's the matter?"

"Today, I had a talk with Siyeon and she called me an idiot because I was hurting myself more than I was helping myself. I know it's pretty dumb, but I wanted to ask if you knew what that could mean.."

Dami looked straight into my eyes and bursted out laughing. I was pretty confused by that, but she tried to stop herself from laughing and take this seriously.

"Wow, umm.. I didn't expect that from you. Let me ask you something - do you regret breaking up with Yoohyeon?"

"I-... I don't know.."

"How do you feel now that you're without her?"

"How do I feel? I feel.. alone. I feel as if something really dear to me just vanished and I feel really.. really hurt."

"Do you want my honest opinion?"

"Y-Yeah..?"

"I think you need to trust your heart more than your head. I'm more than sure no ordinary person would feel like that if they didn't regret breaking up with the person they dated. You have past trauma from that night a few years ago and that's the main cause for you to do things that might seem right at first, but actually add more to the pain than heal you."

"But... Aren't I doing the right thing by staying away from the people who hurt me?"

"Minji, do you still think that Yoohyeon was the one that actually hurt you? Didn't it cross your mind that it could've been someone else behind everything and Yoohyeon was just.. a decoy?"

"What do you mean?"

"*sigh* Yoohyeon did indeed plan everything, but you do know what she thought, right? Yunjin told her it was a meeting with a friend. I know that you and Yunjin were friends in the past and that made you think she just wanted to meet up and that's what Yoohyeon thought too. Yoohyeon would never want to hurt someone in that way Minji. You know very well that she literally adores you and regrets everything that she did and will do anything for you to at least talk to her again."

I was just looking at Dami and felt that stinging pain in my heart again. It wasn't the same as before, this one hurt so much more and I even shed a single tear. She pat my head and gave me a side hug while caressing my shoulder.

"What Siyeon meant by the thing she told you is that by breaking up with Yoohyeon you hurt yourself more than actually help yourself. Everyone knows about the happiness you felt when you were with her. And most importantly, you know the feelings she has for you are endless. Why don't you put your priorities away and actually feel what your heart wants to feel?"

"What my heart wants to feel? My heart is.. feeling nothing. It just feels empty and all it wants is to feel that same joy I felt when I wasn't alone. It's wants to.. love someone. Someone who also loves me the same way I do... and that's.. Yoohyeon."

I felt a burden from my chest suddenly go away and I felt my surroundings light up. A single tear rolled down my face and I smiled at Dami because I finally knew what I really wanted and what would keep me safe. She pat my head and got up from the ground.

"You finally got it."

"It's always been Yoohyeon.. She did nothing but support me unconditionally. She never hurt me. I hurt myself by believing it would stop my pain if I wasn't with her."

"It's not Yoohyeon that will cause you more pain, it's her who will heal you from it. Don't continue hurting yourself and actually do what your heart needs most."

"I.. I don't know what to say.. Thank you Dami.. You really helped me."

"I didn't do much, just wanted you to stop lying to yourself and trust your own feelings. It's late now so I'll go back home. Bye Minji, hope to see you tomorrow, if you know what I mean."

She turned the other way and made her way back to her house. I waved her goodbye and took a stroll around the neighborhood. I looked around the pretty night view and felt the warm breeze hit my face. I closed my eyes and finally felt freed from my own trap and knew what I really wanted... I wanted Yoohyeon back.

No, I needed her.

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