Artificial Love (Thiam)

Chapter 28

"I thought you had a flight today."

Liam was holding one of Theo's palms in his, drawing little figures up and down his palm and fingers. Theo was still clinging to the dregs of his sleep, but it was long gone really and he knew it. Liam was up and awake and talking and wanting attention, which meant that Theo really had no choice but to do the same.

"Fuck that," Theo mumbled back to him, opening one eye to look up at Liam. Where Theo was laying down still, Liam was propped up now, alert and looking out the window. The curtains weren't open wide, but the streak that Theo could see was bright and blue and inviting. Alright, then it really was time to be awake, he supposed.

"What instead then? Spend all day here with me?" Liam asked, and Theo could've sworn there was some hope in his tone. Or maybe he only hoped that Liam wanted him to stay. Then again, overthinking it had never done him any good, and Liam had said he felt the same way.

Liam loved him.

It didn't even feel real, laying there, everything being out in the open. The two of them knowing what they knew about each other now. Theo was happy about it, obviously. He was really happy about it. But could it really solve their problems?

Could he genuinely be fine with watching Liam marry his cousin?

Of course, the truth was that it didn't matter what Theo or Liam was fine with and it never had. They would do their duties as they always had. At least now, they had each other. Differently maybe, but they had each other nonetheless. It was, in a way, more than he could've ever imagined. More than he would've ever expected to have with the younger boy.

"Did you talk to Hayden?" Liam's voice broke through his thoughts and Theo nodded.

He felt a stab of guilt about it. He couldn't undo his mistakes though, only apologise and try to do better. "She was nicer about it than I had any right to expect. She hugged me and said she knows I was struggling. I think she was angrier with Tracy than with me." He paused, "It's more than I deserve."

Liam shrugged, "She loves you. That's why you cut us off, isn't it? Both of us? Because we were too connected to your loss and you knew we loved you?"

Theo felt vaguely like he'd been slugged in the jaw. Too connected to the loss. Yeah, Liam was right. He hated to admit to it, hated to feel so weak and cruel about it all, but it was true. He had lost his mother and the two people who would understand that loss better than anyone else were Hayden and Liam. Hayden, who had always been his close friend, whom he'd loved as long as he could remember, who at times was more sister than cousin... who loved Caroline too, and knew how much Theo loved Caroline.

And Liam. Liam, the great love of his life, who had spent so much time with Caroline growing up. Who Caroline had always treated like a son. Josh and Tracy knew her too, but they didn't have their own independent relationships to her like Liam did. She didn't act as family to them the way she did with Liam. They had been their own weird sort of family. In the background, when Theo hadn't even noticed it was happening, Liam and Jenna had become a third and fourth member of Theo's tiny and broken family.

It had been easier to hate himself in solitude.

"I think I was... I think I was trying to..." Theo trailed off. It didn't matter. Liam had his own answer ready.

"You were hurting yourself emotionally. You tried to push me into Hayden's arms, because you were mad at the world and lashing out and you were hurting yourself worse."

That was, more or less, what Theo had been planning to say. He had no idea when Liam had gotten so astute with these things, but he supposed his confession of love had probably made it a little easier to understand. It was so transparent it was almost embarrassing.