Artificial Love (Thiam)

Chapter 13

Two weeks.

It had been two whole weeks since Theo had seen or heard from Liam, and he thought he might actually be losing his mind. Of course, it had been two whole weeks since he'd contacted Liam either, but what the hell did he say after doing something so stupid?

He could picture it. Hi Liam, I'm sorry for kissing you in a public place and completely humiliating us both and then being too stupid to talk about it, but heck, it's just that I've been in love with you as long as I can remember and I'm not smart enough to fix it.

Maybe if he wasn't such an idiot, he would just pick up the phone and text him. Even if he totally ignored it, that had to be better than silence, right?

But Theo had been living in a world of constant indecision. He'd written out about forty texts he deleted before he could send them, too worried he wouldn't say the right thing.

What did he even say? He knew he should tell Liam it was nothing, a stupid accident he hoped they could forget about, but he didn't really want to. He didn't want to forget about it, he wanted Liam. But how did he say that? After everything he'd done, how did he say that?

"You're thinking about it again, aren't you?"

Josh's voice cut through his thoughts and Theo frowned at him, annoyed he'd been so clearly caught overthinking yet again. "Yup."

"So call him. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Are you crazy?" Theo asked, his brows furrowed deeply, "He could answer! Then what?"

"Uh... I don't know, Theodore, you could talk to him." Josh was shaking his head at him, and Theo just sort of pouted at him.

Theo had no idea how to talk to him. All he could think about was that damn kiss. All he could think about was the way Liam's lips had felt against his, surprisingly soft, the way he had kissed back. The way it had felt to have Liam's hands at his hips. He kept thinking about the moment Liam pulled away. It was seared into his mind. His blue eyes wide and confused, staring up at Theo like a deer in headlights, completely confused, with no idea what to do.

Everything about it had seemed so picturesque and perfect. Liam's flushed cheeks and breathless smiles, the beautiful green of the garden around them, even in Winter. The sun shining down, deceptively mild on a day that looked like it should be blazing. Despite the cold, Liam had been warm. In another life, maybe that would've been their moment. Maybe Liam would've chased his lips instead of pulling away, maybe Theo would've found the courage to say the thing he'd been swallowing down since he was a teenager (younger, probably). Maybe it would've been the start of something. Maybe they'd have walked back to that party, all beaming smiles and clasped hands. Maybe Liam would be with him right now, curled up against his side. Maybe Theo's heart would feel so full it might burst.

But it wasn't their moment.

Liam wasn't his, even if Theo would always be Liam's.

"I can't do it." He said softly, shaking his head. "This isn't a fairytale, Josh, our lives are mapped out already. Best case scenario is that we spend the rest of our lives hiding behind closed doors. Worst case is that I lose him entirely. I... I don't stand to gain enough to justify the potential loss."

"And what about now?" Josh asked, his voice uncharacteristically gentle. "No offence, Theo, but I think this is what losing him looks like."

The words hit Theo in the chest, and he shook his head, "Don't." He said quickly, "I haven't lost him. I have him as much as I always have, which is not at all. But at least... I mean, at least he doesn't need to avoid me because I'm... because I did all this."