Artificial Love (Thiam)

Chapter 27

"I understand why you don't want to, Liam, but—"

"But what?" He snapped, "He kicked us out of his house, you were there. And I guess it's fine for you, because you and Tracy got let back in, but Hayden and I have been completely cut off like we never existed."

"I know that." Josh's voice was a little more forceful. "I know that. And I'm not saying that was okay, because it wasn't, and trust me, Tracy and I have been on a broken record for months trying to get that through his thick skull, but you really should talk to him."

"Is this all you called me for? To try to convince me to forgive and forget? Again?"

There was a deep sigh. "Not to forgive and forget. To speak to him. He got me to call you because you weren't answering him."

"Mm, and I'm only answering you to ask you to make him stop calling me." Liam heard how harsh he sounded even to himself. But he had always been an angry kid, and it turned out there was a lot of pent up shit. Between how Theo had been when they were kids and how he had been ever since, there was so much... bad.

"Look... I can't make you see him. Obviously. But he's leaving tomorrow and he really wants to talk to you." Another pause, "I don't know, man. You don't owe him the chance to talk, but I think you deserve to hear it for your own peace of mind. That's all."

Liam flexed his jaw, frustration pulsating through him. Not only because he was sick of these conversations, but also because... Josh was right. At least then, Liam could put it to bed. He could know for sure.

And, for once, it could be his decision.

"Fine. Tell him to come over. I assume he still knows the way."

"Hey, Liam?" He stopped, listened to Josh's voice, which had softened considerably. "I'm really sorry about all this. It's not fair to you. Never has been."

"Thanks." Liam said the words tiredly, because as much as he appreciated the gesture, it didn't mean much. At the end of the day, Josh was still Theo's best friend, and he would still always advocate for Theo when push came to shove. He supposed Mason, Corey and Brett would do the same for him. Still.

*

Theo had made a fuck load of mistakes. So many he had absolutely no idea how to fix.

He remembered the absolute coldness, the dismissiveness in Liam's eyes, burned into his retinas forever. He was justified in that coldness, Theo had done everything to deserve it, but that didn't make it any easier to stomach, really.

Liam was too kind for him. He always had been.

But hell, Theo wanted to be better. He wanted to be good enough to deserve Liam. He wanted to have better explanations than the truth. The truth that Theo had collapsed in on himself like a dying star, overwhelmed and drowned in the weight of pressure and grief and responsibility and so much loneliness that Theo didn't know how to exist and carry it at once.

He was Sisyphus, forever trying to shoulder the burden of the country and the expectation and the legacy and never making it. Never being enough.

Losing his mother had been an extra weight he couldn't bear. Not just because he adored her, because she was all he'd ever had as far as family, because they were best friends for all intents and purposes. Not just because she deserved a long and happy life full of freedoms and joys and so much more than Theo would ever be able to give her.

Caroline was twenty-three when she'd taken the throne. The same age Theo himself was. She'd never had a chance to run wild or make mistakes or choose love. She'd never been able to just get on a plane and go and see things. She'd never been able to make those decisions, because all that weight had lain on her as long as she'd been alive. When she'd lost Jonathan, there was some hope. One day, Theo would take the throne, and Caroline would be free. Not like the average person was, but freer than she ever had been.