Artificial Love (Thiam)

Chapter 9

"So you admit it. You give in." Josh said, head in his hands, casting a sideward glance at Tracy, who was trying hard not to smile broadly.

"Not if you say it like that." Theo scoffed.

"Come on, Theo." Tracy said slowly. "Nobody here is judging you. We're your best friends. If you can't say it to us, who can you say it to?"

Theo lay face down on the lounge, his whole body feeling too heavy to lift, too tired, too distracted. He grumbled loudly into the lounge, and he heard Tracy's surprisingly tinkling laugh.

"Theodore..." Josh began, a warning edge to his tone.

"Fine!" Theo yelled, rolling onto his back. "What do you want me to say? That I love him? That I'm pretty sure I've always loved him? That I'd tear out my own heart or set myself on fire to keep him warm? That it absolutely fucking kills me to see him in someone else's arms? Fine! I'll be vulnerable if that's what you vultures want! I love him! I love him so much it feels like I'm drowning in it sometimes! Are you happy?"

His two best friends stared at him like he'd said something totally out of left field. He wasn't sure what, since they'd been pushing for him to admit this since they were young teens. What more was there? That when Liam had been upset at him, it'd broken his heart? That when Liam had called them a couple, he'd felt like he was flying? There was no denying it anymore.

"Damn. I just thought you wanted to bone him." Tracy admitted, only partly joking. She knew it was more than that, but maybe not to the fullest extent.

"Well... you were wrong." Theo grumbled, rolling back onto his stomach again.

"So then... why aren't you doing anything about it?" Josh asked.

"What would I do about it?" Theo snarked, scoffing, "Go to him and say, 'Hey Dunbar, remember how I tortured you for a decade? Yes, well, it turns out I'm just a walking cliche who's been in love with you since we were children and didn't know how to handle it. Want to defy all family honour and run away with me?' I mean, fuck , Josh, what do I even have to offer him? I'm an angsty, sarcastic crown prince. And maybe the prince part would be enough, except he is too."

"I mean, yeah," Josh answered casually, "You could say exactly that. All of those things." He shrugged, "Say you like him and that you always have and that you want more from this."

"I can't . You understand why I can't." Theo said with a frown, "Even if he did feel the same way — which, why would he? I've given him no reason to like me — what we do? Abandon our kingdoms and run off? It just isn't realistic."

"Okay, so... I don't care if you have a gay lover while you marry me." Tracy said with a shrug. "I'm planning to have my own. Maybe you can just be each others'... concubines."

Theo groaned dramatically. " Tracy !"

"I'm sorry! I couldn't think of a better word!"

"What brought this on anyway?" Josh asked. "You've spent like, a million years denying you felt anything towards him. Why now?"

Truth was, Theo had no good answer. He didn't know what had changed. Maybe seeing him after years had startled Theo into a realisation. Maybe Liam being upset at him changed things. Maybe Josh's comments had tipped him off. Or maybe, and it was the harder truth, maybe having fun with Liam had reminded him. All those years, hanging out together, doing stupid shit. Theo complained about it, but spending time with Liam was all he really ever wanted. And Liam being happy, talking to him, casually touching him... it was hard to ignore how differently Theo felt about him than about anyone else. Liam was his person, always.

"Don't know. He's... he's just different." Theo admitted. "He always was."

"And he has... no idea?" Tracy asked, looking unconvinced.