Deja Vu ( 2022 Version )

𝟴. 𝘄𝗼𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿

❝ 𝐈 𝐖𝐎𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐈𝐅 𝐈'𝐌 𝐁𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋. 𝐃𝐎 𝐈 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐊 𝐌𝐘 𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐓𝐇, 𝐎𝐑 𝐃𝐎 𝐈 𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐈 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋? 𝐈 𝐖𝐎𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑, 𝐖𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃𝐍'𝐓 𝐈𝐓 𝐁𝐄 𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐄, 𝐓𝐎 𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐀 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐋𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐈𝐒𝐍'𝐓 𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐄 ❞

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

January 13th, 2020...

It's been forever since I've known I've liked Isabel, and forever is a long time. Okay, so maybe only 2 years, but in my broad defense, it sure feels like a long time.

' That's What I Like' by Bruno Mars blasted on full volume, somewhere in the mere distance, and I have no idea why. Or who's in for doing so, in that matter.

Consider me strange, perhaps even surreal, but in some absurd, warped twisted way, I'm fond of songs like that- you know, mainstream shit. I guess you'd classify it as "pop music". It's okay. 

However, would I ever admit to it? Ofcourse not. Then my friends and peers would have a sadistic urge to tease me for actually liking pop, and that's not exactly very manly of me.

Knowing Isabel, she'd commit the complete opposite and practically praise me for it. She has a hunch that I'm secretly a Swiftie, which by the way, is the name for Taylor Swift fans.

And it's not just Taylor and Bruno's music, but possibly Shawn Mendes as well. For that, I'd 'graciously' thank my brother, Max, for blasting the 'Handwritten', 'Illuminate' and his self-titled album every single morning. I never knew how amazing Shawn's music, until songs like 'Roses', 'Because I Had You' and 'Why' became relatable.

Just me seldomly enjoying the pop genre only worsens the fact, that I can't be some macho man like every other guy. It's fucked enough, that I'm not capable of ever feeling . . . . . you know . . . urges. I probably should by now, but I just don't.

For reasons I'll never be able to comprehend, appeal but rather discomfort and disgust

I think my entire life's existence is a bizzare mistake anyways. It's as if everything about me is off, and I'm a fucking joke, known to mankind. No wonder I'm not exactly the popular type, like James Walker.

Now, it's not that I'm taking my friends for granted. Personally, they can be slightly toxic and constantly daring me to do stupid shit. Okay, so maybe they're assholes. Compared to the popular crowd, they're considered harmless though.

Angel and Isabel are most definitely my saner friends. Three's a crowd, and we're definitely that awkward crowd.You know, the ones that sit at a secluded table during lunchtime and their classmates aren't ever familiar with their names or existence. I do believe, revolving around worst case scenario, my cousin, Ashley, and her friend Corey, have it much worse. 

( A/N: this is early 2020, and Ash still identified as cisgender and went by she/her pronouns. Mostly because they weren't yet aware of gender identies, but they always knew that they weren't a girl. They figured out their gender identity and preferred pronouns, during lockdown. Note, that I'd never disrespect anyone's preferred pronouns. ) 

Angel and I had been best friends since Kindergarten. This is when the saying 'Forever is a long time' becomes evidently convenient. He'd always been that science weirdo , who's secret hobby is composing music. 

He's possibly one of The Weeknd's biggest fans. I swear, the amount of times he's made me listen to 'Beauty Behind The Madness'. At this point, I've memorized every abiding beat drop and rhythm.