Gloom & sunshine

Chapter 20: Nirvana

Awsten was sitting in the chair next to Geoff's bed, scrolling through something on his phone Black Rain by Blink-182 playing quietly through his speakers. Geoff was sitting up right this time, free of a feeding tube, free of a catheter, nearly ready to go home. He was tapping his fingers anxiously against his knee, waiting for the doctor to finally come in and discharge him. He watched Awsten's blank expression as the blond scrolled the time away.

"Nothing interesting?"

Awsten shrugged. "Not really, something about a new virus in China, but doesn't seem that serious." He put his phone down and smiled at Geoff. They hadn't talked about the kiss yet, they hadn't talked about anything, except how relieved Awsten was that Geoff got through the coma, if you could call it that. The doctor was officially referring Geoff to Dr. Slav, due to Geoff's hard objections to getting psych eval-ed for his insomnia and night terrors.

Awsten watched Geoff watching him. He could see some emotion behind those blue eyes, but he didn't know what it was. It was almost a grief, or a longing, he couldn't tell. Awsten began twisting the silver ring on his middle finger, and looked down at it when he saw Geoff's eyes fall to it.

"What?" Awsten asked softly.

Geoff watched the silver band twist under Awsten's calloused fingers, then looked back up to the singer's two-toned eyes. "It's strange... The visions I was having while unconscious, they don't seem like a dream..." He leaned back against his bed pillows, looking forward now. "It seemed so real, it feels like a memory... Sometimes, I have a hard time deciphering them from my real memories."

Awsten chewed on his lip. "What... What were they about?" He hadn't been brave enough to ask; beyond Geoff telling him they were married that first night, he hadn't said anything else.

Geoff looked down at his own hand, seeing his ring finger indeed empty. "We were married... We had just come back from our honeymoon, a few days from going to the studio to record..." He leaned his head back, staring up at the ceiling. "I can... still remember how you felt..." He mumbled to himself, not even thinking about keeping the thought silent.

Awsten flushed red. "How... I felt?"

Geoff let out a breathy chuckle. "Your skin..." he touched his fingers together, as if he could still feel Awsten's skin under his hands. "Soft and warm..." He looked at his hand, sighed, and tilted his head towards the window. "It's strange grieving something that wasn't even real... Missing some sensation you've never actually felt..."

"We... we slept together? I-I mean in your dream?" Awsten wasn't shy about sex, but this felt different, the thought made his stomach explode into butterflies.

Geoff chuckled lightly and turned his head to look back at Awsten. "We were on our honeymoon, Aws. Things usually get spicy on a honeymoon." He smiled, but his eyes still showed sadness.

Awsten twisted his ring a little faster, his heart fluttering. Why did he feel like a school girl on prom night? "What um... Did I... um..."

Geoff let out a breathy laugh. "I've never seen you so shy." He started to reach of Awsten's hand, but stopped himself. He let his hand drop into his land and just smiled at Awsten. After a moment his smile fell. He knew they had to talk about it. "Aws... about what I said, I--"

"No, you're not allowed to take it back." Asten reached out this time and took Geoff's hand. "I don't want you to take it back, I-I might not be ready to say it back but I--"

Geoff squeezed his hand and shushed him. "Awsten, you are enough for me. You don't have to say anything."

"I kissed you and I meant it. I'm not taking it back, I'm not--"