Leather and Lace - A Lauren Woods Spinoff (Part 3 in series)

Chapter 16

The high that I felt watching the Grammy tribute and performance by Tom, George, Ringo, Paul and Stevie was the peak of my happiness.

We had a little homecoming celebration for Ethan with all of our friends and family when we brought him home from the hospital and then everything just became overwhelming.

We buried our son Winston who did not make it and I felt immense guilt. I didn't need to lose another child. I didn't understand what higher power was deciding I deserved all these terrible losses to happen in my life.

It was about a month later and I was completely struggling when I left the kids and new baby with our Nanny and took off for a drive alone.

I was overwhelmed and trying my hardest to be okay. My relationship with Glyn and with my children have become strained due to my depression and guilt.

No matter how hard everyone tries to brighten my spirits, and as hard as I try to portray happiness on the outside, I just haven't been okay on the inside.

I drove and drove for what felt like hours but was only from our home in Malibu out to Beverly Hills to see Stevie.

I was hoping she would be home.

I went to her front gate and rang the buzzer.

"Who's there?" a familiar voice asked.

"It's Lauren," I said to Tom. I was wondering what he was doing here. I wasn't expecting him.

He buzzed me in and then came to greet me outside.

"Stevie isn't home," he said, "but come inside."

"Are you two sleeping together?" I asked him straight up, to which he wouldn't admit with a yes or a no.

We walked inside and he sat me down.

"Look I'm here because I needed to see her. If it's just you, I might as well leave... I don't want to sit here and talk."

I was being rude to him for no reason. He has always been there for me.

He just sat there and took it.

"I'm sorry," I quickly said to him and I put my head in my hands.

"You need to find something to take the edge off," he then told me.

This crossed my mind.

"What do you have?" I then asked him.

"I don't know" he said, "I don't think Glyn would be appreciative of me getting you hooked on anything."

"Glyn doesn't have to know," I said to his best friend, "what are you on?"

I decided right then that no matter what he took to get high - I wanted a part of it.

I was in a dark place and need an escape.

He sat there staring me in my eyes and looked like he was deciding.

"Please, Tom," I said to him and got up to sit directly next to him.

I grabbed his hand and had him feel my heartbeat. It was shallow.

He quickly took his hand back, he looked uncomfortable with his hand on my chest.

"I will not let you shoot yourself up with anything hardcore," he finally shook his head, "that's just me coming from a place of concern. I can't get off of it and I don't want that for you."

I knew he did shoot himself up with drugs on occasion. I feel so numb that I would be tempted to try.

I grabbed him and lifted up his sleeve and saw his scars from where he's injected himself.