Love on Tour

Sunrise, FL

Since your conversation with Harry last night, you've been feeling melancholy. Not a day goes by when you don't think about your parents or grandparents.

Harry's family is a phone call away or a plane ride, but you have to wait until they visit you in a dream. That isn't as often as it used to be.

You're aware it's irrational to be jealous of Harry having his family, but it hits you sometimes how alone you are. Then you stop and remind yourself how you aren't. Viola has become a guardian in your life that you look up to, that helps you learn the life sessions your family never got the chance to teach you. Naomi loves you like a sister, and her parents have always welcomed you with open arms into their family. You haven't spent a holiday alone thanks to them, which might be one reason you always try to take them somewhere new to celebrate. You're thankful they let you; they know you only have good intentions.

You allow yourself to feel this sorrow and sadness because you know it'll pass. That does not mean you'll speak with Harry or anyone else about it. No, he's got more things to worry about, and like always, you know you'll get through this.

_____

You're sitting in the band's dressing room as Pauli tells a story about how he once saw an alligator on the side of the road. Everyone was hanging on to his every word, as were you, at least you were, until the topic shifted to his family calling his bluff as he was the only one to see it on the road.

Everything seems to go back to family today. Kodi talks about missing his kids, Sandra talks about visiting her grandparents in North Carolina, and Jeff tells you that he's missing Glenne now that she's returned to work.

You excuse yourself needing a minute to yourself, but everywhere you look, someone is smiling at you, and any other day you'd start a conversation, but you feel the walls closing around you. Your breathing is getting heavier, and you're trying to find Harry's dressing room, needing his comfort even if he may not be there, but everything looks the same, and you feel your eyes blur.

Fuck, this was awful.

You didn't want to be alone, yet here you were.

You kept walking, head down, hoping you'd get to where you needed to when you felt someone bump into you. It was unexpected, so you fell right back. It wasn't that the fall hurt; it was just unexpected, and it seemed to open the floodgate you kept at bay.

"Hey, hey, Bel. You hurt? What's wrong?" The voice was panicky, his accent thicker as he spoke quicker than normal. "Bel, you got to answer me. You're worrying me."

Your tears settled a bit as you looked up to meet Harry's gaze, his eyes wide full of concern that he had hurt you.

"I'm fine." your voice low as you wipe your tears away.

"But you're crying. What hurts?"

My heart, you wanted to respond. "Nothing, the fall startled me."

You're defensive and have no idea why. This isn't his fault. It's not his fault your emotions got the best of you today.

"So you're not hurt," his voice soft, but you can still hear a bit of the panic.

"Fine, H." He helps you stand up, thankful that you let him help you.

"Do you--do you want to talk about it then?"

You frown, shaking your no. "Okay, what do you need?"

"Quiet." Your voice is hoarse, thanks to the tears, and you keep sniffing. You know you're a mess.

"Come on then." You stare at his stretched-out hand, "trust me, Bel?" Harry asks.

You find yourself nodding, letting him intertwine his fingers with yours. He's taking turns, not one person in your way. It's empty and a bit worrying. Soon, Harry finds a door and swings it open. The bright sun has you closing your eyes for a second, letting you adjust to bright light.