FORMULA LOVE

Left to drown

The next few days was a blur. Most of it was me training for my reintroduction into F1. The papers were still non stop harassing me over my brothers hidden cancer diagnosis aswell as Owen. It's hard to drown out the things that keep being asked every second of every day. Which is why I turn to driving it helps me.

"Your gonna be great Sayd. Don't sweat it." Hamilton says as he walks up with me towards the racing start line so we can take our places in our cars. I was sat quite far back due to my absence, whereas my partner was further up in the front.

I nod to Lewis as he rubs my shoulder trying to comfort me. I flashback to when I was just starting out, how nerve wracking it is driving in-front of thousands of people. Your framed as a criminal if you lose and a hero if you win just with more trolling. You can't win.

I make my way to my 12th position near the back and jump into the thousand dollar sports car. I slip my helmet over my head and wait for my team to fit my steering wheel in.

It's not even long until the red lights above turn off indicating the start of the race. My foot stamps down onto the accelerator and I'm chucked backwards due to the sudden force of the car.

"The circuit is fucking bumpy Brando pay attention." Someone says into my ear piece and I reply with a grunt of understanding. I soon enough came to understand what the man meant, it was only at the start of the circuit and already I came across 7 curves. I was neck and neck still between the cars and hadn't lost speed.

I then manage to find a gap and climb into 11th place. "Yes!" I shout.

Now I just need 10 more overtakings.

                               ~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay your on your last lap Sadie. Let's not try to bump into anyone and risk losing 9th place. It's good enough."

"Got it!"

"Hamilton what the fuck are you doing? You need to be up in third at least." I wince as the man shouts at Lewis.

"Fuck you!" He replies and his earpiece disconnects. I chuckle to myself quietly, it's definitely something Hamilton would do. He's won so many Grand Prix's he can afford to lose a few.

"And in comes Sadie Brando. Is she going to get past Lafiti? Oh they are neck and neck now. This is so gripping!" The commentator says as I am competing with Nicholas Lafiti for 8th place.

His car makes a getaway but I still manage to speed up more. "Fuck it!" I say to myself and push my foot down as hard as I could, flooring the car. Then we cross the finish line ... and I've won 8th place !

I hear the people in my ear piece shouting and cheering. They managed to get both of their drivers into the top 10 spot.

I waste no time in getting out of my car and sprinting over to where Charles, Lewis and Lando were. I then halt infront of them as they turn to me.

But something seemed off. It wasn't right.

Their faces didn't give anything away. They tried to cover whatever they was hiding with a congratulating smile that didn't quite meet their eyes.

"We'll done Sadie!" Lewis says trying to be cheerful. I just look at them with a confused look upon my face. Then there was silence, awkward silence. I could only hear the screams from the fans up above looking down on us.

"What's going on?" I say intrigued. Charles and Lando haven't had a fall out again have they?

Lando reaches out for my hand and leads me inside with the others standing there now with very upsetting looks on their faces.

He basically drags me into the Mercedes pit looking around, it looked as though he was looking for someone. Then he halted and stood still, gently pushing me in front.

"Lando? What the hel-" then I stop, Ellie stands there. Holding her chest, she does that when she's upset. I could faintly see that her makeup had streaks. Has she been crying?

I waste no time in walking over to her, indulging her into a tight gripped hug. "Oh Sayd. I wanted to tell u later but I can't."

Confusion rushed over me because of her upsetting comment. Her voice sounded in-pain and shaky. Like she was on the verge of tears.

"What." I ask her removing my hands from her.

"Sit down please Sadie." She said quietly but loud enough for me to hear. I didn't want to make her even more upset than she already was so I complied and sat down. I then looked around for other people but there was no one. Lando was gone too.

Maybe Ellie was having a personal matter she didn't want anyone else to hear about?

"Why did you fly all the way here silly? What was so important that you have to fly half way across the other side of the world?" I joked and slightly had a gut feeling I'd regret saying that.

She looked down at her hands fiddling with them as she let out a shaky breath. Her head lifted to the ceiling and then to me. Her eyes began to become puffy once again. I rested my hands on her knees in reassurance. I waited for her to speak.

"Sadie. Your mum wanted me to come here today to deliver some news." She finally started to tell me.

"My mum?" What news has my mum got?

"Yeah, uhm... Sayd, your brother he's, erm, he's - erm." She tried to explain but her bottom lip started to wobble and before I knew it she couldn't hold in her sadness anymore.

And then my throat sunk to my stomach. My brother?

"Jamie? Mattie?"

"Matt"

And that was all I needed to hear to guess what she was going to say next.

"NO. YOUR LYING!" I started to shout as I pointed my shaky finger at her. The door soon opened and the three boys came in. They're heads were hung low, looking up at me underneath their hair.

"She's lying isn't she!" I asked them. I walked up to them trying to meet each of their eyes. The only person who would make eye contact with me is Charles.

"I'm sorry Sayd-" he starts to say holding out his arm to hug me. I push him away and walk out of the door. I can hear all four of them racing up behind me.

I'm not believing that, not for a second.

Then I feel a gentle hand grab me. I whip my head around to see Ellie. Her face was tear-stained and mascara was running. "I'm so so so sorry Sadie. Your brother died early this morning."

"No he wouldn't do that. He's strong, stronger than me. He wouldn't just leave me like that. I need him." I say as I ramble on, denying he's no longer on this planet.

I couldn't hold my body weight any longer, I just collapsed. Luckily Charles was behind me and caught me. He sat on the floor and lowered me to the ground. Holding me as I cried for ages and kissing my head numerous times.

"My Mattie's gone. My little brother, he's dead." I cried trying to process this, leaving stains on Charles' expensive jumper.

Just as I was coming above the water again i've then got brought straight back down again. Left to drown, once again.