The Opposite of Hate (Upper Crust #1)

Chapter 40

Chapter 40
"Work"

May kumatok sa labas.

"Use the other comfort room," malinaw na sabi ni Aris. Agad na nasundan iyon nang papaalis na mga yabag ng kung sino ang nasa labas.

He never tears his gaze off me.

"A-Aris..." nabasag na agad ang boses ko. Sinabayan na iyon ng iilang patak ng luha sa mga mata ko. "I am s-sorry..."

Hindi ko alam paano ako makakalabas dito pagkatapos nito. How unfortunate to apologize and confess in this place—of all places. But then, the right moment, a perfect place doesn't always come.

"I am sorry I hurt you that day. I can't say I didn't mean... 'coz I do. I did... But I would not change my mind and change that. Kasi ito ka na ngayon... I know you would be like this... this g-great."

The crease on his forehead stretched. May kalituhan sa mga mata niya kahit nanatili itong madilim at malamig.

"Hindi kasi dapat nangyari iyong sa Oxford... pero kasi... I always lose my control and patience when it comes to you. My priorities are shaken... 'Coz my mind and heart j-just want y-you... at hindi pwede 'yon."

Kinagat ko ang labi ko saglit. I swallowed hard. My throat and my lip are dry. Masakit ang ilong ko sa pagpipigil ng hikbi.

"I can only handle one..." I breathe and collect my scattered thoughts. "Natakot ako... I was scared t-that I will disappoint Papa and the rest of the family. Hindi k-kasi pwede tayo. Alam kong alam mo 'yon."

I looked at him despite more tears brewing at the corners of my eyes.

"But what scared me most ay ang masaktan ka pa d-dahil hindi naman kita kayang ilaban... noon. I don't want you to get scarred again because of your family. I can't take Papa being d-disappointed in you... makakaya ko pa kung sa'kin na lang."

It's uncomfortable hearing just my shaky voice in the quiet and well lit comfort room. I can't keep my eyes steady. Muli't-muling nahuhulog ang luha ko kahit anong pigil. I am not a crybaby. Madalas ay kaya kong hindi umiyak kahit nasasaktan. But my tears are always shallow when it involves him. Parang siya ang may hawak sa susi ng dam. Only him holds the control when it's too full and needs to flow already.

"Ayaw k-kong mawalan ka ng pamilya dahil alam kong ipipilit mo ang sa a-atin kahit na hindi sila payag... But I can't fight alongside you."

Pinalis ko muli ang luha sa mga mata ko gamit ang likod ng palad ko.

"I have lots of fears and doubts, too. I have monsters... Y-you're brilliant... you always excel in any of your works... You are good w-with business... Samantalang ako, ano lang ba? Sa pag-aaral lang ako magaling. I c-can't do business dahil h-hindi naman iyon ang talagang gusto ko. I-I was on t-that track d-dahil nando'n ka. I was literally lost in my life d-dahil sunod-sunuran a-ako kung nasaan ka... ano ang gusto mo."

I don't know how he can understand all these. Siguro mas lalong masisira ang tingin niya sa akin. He will be so disappointed and maybe disgusted, too. I am this, I am the problem... Kaya wala akong gaanong kaibigan. Dahil hindi lahat kayang intindihin ang pagiging makasarili ko at kawalan ko ng paki sa iba—sa pagiging insensitive ko.

Nagbaba ako ng tingin, nahihiya at nasasaktan sa lahat ng ito. Tiningnan ko ang mga daliri kong hindi mapirmi.

"I can't even come close to you," mapait kong pag-amin. "Ang totoo, gusto ko lang naman mag-sorry sa'yo."

"Is that why you're here?"

Mahina akong tumango ako. Sinulyapan siya sandali. "At pagkatapos no'n hindi na ako manggugulo... I will keep my distance... Para hindi na ako makasakit pa."