The Opposite of Hate (Upper Crust #1)

Chapter 39

Chapter 39
"Attention"

When you are in pain, you sometimes realize something valuable. While enduring it, I just have to reflect. It may be a repetitive reflection, but it gets clearer, and the more it hurts. Truth really hurts like a cut bathe in alcohol.

Aris is always there whenever I need someone. He never counts and he never complains. But then, who is there for him when he needs someone?

Wala.

Wala dahil hindi ko makita. I was blind. I was selfish. Na dapat ako rin nand'yan para sa kanya. Hindi dahil siya ang nauna, but because I should know better. I am the one who has a complete family. I grew up what's like to be love. Seeing love in my parents.

Hindi totoong hindi siya mabuti just because he grew up in a broken family at may pagkakamali ang mga magulang niya. Hindi totoong wala siyang alam tungkol sa pagmamahal just because he was conceived by two adults earthly desire. Alam ko. I know this because I was with him. He showed me that it doesn't always mean the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. He is an exception to that. He is wonderful. So good to me. Too good for me.

It's such a shame that I said that to him.

More memories from the past came vivid to me. Dati, Arthur actually hangs out with Aris. Sila ang magkalapit. Sila ang magkatabi. Sila ang matalik na magkaibigan. That was before I came.

Aris was hard to befriend, Arth was easier. So Arth and I became friends. Dumistansya siya kay Aris. He prefers hanging out with me. We are always the ones talking to each other. And that left Aris alone dahil hindi niya gusto ang iba kahit gusto siya ng lahat. That made us enemies at a young age, bago pa nangyari ang gulo sa mga magulang namin.

Hindi lang pamilya ang inagaw ko sa kanya pati kaibigan. How cruel can I be?

Then we grew up. We both changed. The changes resulted in the differences that tied us up. I push, and he pulls. I am not supposed to be the cold Laviña now. I was the warm one. But life switched us up.

Ngayon, I have this feeling we are drifting away, our tie and connection are loosening. And maybe one of these days it will completely fall apart.

Mababawi ko pa ba siya? Do I even have the right to do that? It was me who let go and lost the pattern.

It's alright to cry. At least I can cry dahil iniisip nilang ang ulo ko ang masakit. Na ulo ko ang nasasaktan.

I just want to turn the time and go back to that memory in Oxford. It was my happiest. Truth is, all my happiest times were with him in it. With him, I am the happiest.

"Does it still hurt so bad?" he whispered.

"Y-yes."

Can my mind and heart just get along? Pero kapag nangyari iyon, will I be happy sa pinili nila? Hindi kaya nakakakot din? Paano kung ang lahat nang nangyari noon, iyon na 'yon. Wala nang karugtong? That we are meant to move forward and take on separate paths. Mga sangang lumiliko na sa magkaibang direksyon.

Will my apologies still make sense? Will it patch things up? Sometimes it becomes irrelevant. Nawawala rin ito sa panahon. And it's just sad.

It was an agonizing three hours of my head aching and my heart squeezing.

Nang sa wakas ay bumuti na ang pakiramdam, I got my wipes to clean my face. Tiningnan ko ang itsura sa salamin. My face is flushed. Namumula ang mga mata ko sa pag-iyak.

"Nakakahiya nagtawag ka pa ng doctor. It's just migraine," I said softly.

"You were in pain."

"Pero hindi naman kailangan ng doctor agad."