The Opposite of Hate (Upper Crust #1)

Chapter 10

Chapter 10
"Reason"

And after all the crying and melting down, my phone vibrated. Aris' number flashed on the screen. He's calling. As if pushed by instinct, I pick it up. Wala sa sariling sinagot ko ito. I can hear his breathing on the other line.

"How are you?" his voice was low and husky. Hindi rin 'ata siya natulog. Nakakapagtaka na gano'n agad ang bungad niya. He should have asked me first how did the application turn out.

That simple question triggered my tears again. Mariin kong kinagat ang pang ibabang labi ko, not minding kung magkasugat ito.

"Are you okay?"

"Aris, I f-failed." I sobbed once more. Nauwi ulit sa pag-iyak.

"Shhh... Do you want me there?" malumanay niyang sabi.

Umiling ako. I swallowed hard and calmed myself down. I bit my lip and abruptly ended the call. What was I thinking?

He didn't call again, though.

Hindi ko alam paano 'to bukas. How will I break the news to my parents? How can I tell them that I am a failure, that despite giving everything it wasn't enough to make it to the cut? That I am not that great the Laviña they thought I am?

Humilig ako sa head board ng kama at natulala na lang sa kawalan.

It's over. No Oxford me. It's like a last trip bus missed. 'Di na muli pwedeng umatras para balikan ako.

I don't know if I can sleep. Baka sa pati sa pagtulog ko, I would still be in pain. It will haunt me. Sanay akong makuha ang gusto ko, well except my father's full attention and now, this one, and it's so hard to take it in. Pakiramdam ko nadapa ako, it hit my knees hard that it is too painful to get up. I might be crippled by the pain.

After this, I think I will be nothing... no one. Nothing.

Pagkaraan ng halos isang oras, nagulat na lang ako sa paggalaw ng door knob sa pinto. I thought it was Papa or Mama trying check on me. I panic a bit. Pero nang bumukas ito, si Aris ang pumasok. Agad niyang sinara ang pinto. He even locked it. Lumapit siya sa akin. He sat on my bed. Sinulyapan niya ang bukas ko pa ring laptop. Naroon pa rin ang katibayan ng pagbagsak ko, malinaw na malinaw.

"What are you doing here?" Malat ang boses ko.

He looked at me with so much concern written all over his face. I can't even fully acknowledge that it's genuine. That he really cares. That somehow, he knows my pain. He knows how much this hurts me.

Inabot niya ang pisngi ko at marahang pinunasan. Umiwas ako kaya sa huli ibanaba niya na lang ang kamay.

"Hindi ka na dapat sumugod dito. You probably didn't even asked permission kay Tito."

"What are you feeling?" he said gently, hindi pinapansin ang pantataboy ko.

I shrugged my shoulder. He sighed and looked at me intently.

"D-did you pass?"

He sighed once more. Nakatitig pa rin siya sa akin.

"Of course you—"

"No," he cut me off.

Ngayon, ako naman ang napatitig sa kanya. Hindi ako makapaniwala sa narinig. If only I have the energy I would have open his profile and check it myself. Napakaimposible. Kung nagbibiro siya it isn't funny at all.

"Are you kidding me?"

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin. "Does it matter?"

Of course it matters! Dahil kung nakapasa siya mas lalo noong isusumbat na pangalawa lang ako, and worse, walang-wala ako kumpara sa kanya. It was all easy for me while I had a lot of sacrificies just to get at this point.