Hera
Pinanindigan ni Percy ang pananatili sa tabi ko, he stayed through all my downs. I refuse to let anyone enter my room as we went home, I mourned, hindi ko kaya at hindi ko kinakaya.
"Hon? What are you doing there?" Percy asked.
"Nagtitimpla ng gatas for me, para healthy din ang gatas ko for baby, I'll feed him later" I said calmly.
Percy went silent, but I know he stood still, I have to be healthy for the sake of my baby's health, I didn't protect him inside my womb for nothing. I won't risk his health!
"Hon, it's late at night na. You have to sleep" He said, calmly.
"Matutulog din ako maya maya, after ko i-feed si baby Rhiam"
"Rhiam?" He asked.
"Yes," I said then faced him with a smile. "Si baby Rhiam, diba nandun ka pa nga sa hospital when I give birth to Rhiam. Hindi muna ako papasok sa work, I'll take full care of him muna" I said tyaka bumalik sa pagti-timpla.
"H-Hon, please—"
"Can you hear that? Umiiyak na si Rhiam, I have to go check on him muna. Baka nagugutom na yun, ikaw matulog ka na tapos pumasok ka na bukas sa work, I can handle Rhiam naman, sige na ha. Lumalakas na ang iyak ni Rhiam I have to go"
"Hon—"
"Wag ka ng magulo Percy, kailangan ako ni baby Rhiam ngayon"
I tried to walk passed by him but he held my hand and hugged me from the back.
"Percy," tinapik ko ang kamay niya. "Let me go, pupuntahan ko si baby ano ka ba"
"Stop now hon please, you've been like this for weeks now. Ayoko ng ganito ka, please" he leaned his head on my shoulder as his hug on me tightened.
"Ano bang pinagsasabi mo? Bitaw na, si baby umiiyak!" Naiinis na, na Saway ko sa kanya.
I feel him shook his head.
"Hon please, please stop now" his voice slowly turned raspy.
I was only wearing a sando and I stiffed when I felt my shoulder getting soaked. I stopped, pinakiramdaman ko lang siya. Until I felt his shoulders moving as I slowly heard him sobbing.
"P-Percy?" I called.
"I'Im so sorry hon, but please, don't be like this. Hindi ko kaya na ganito ka, ayaw ko maging ganito ka" he sobbed more.
This is not Percy, I made my stone heart husband cry. This is not him. Am I bad because I made him cry like this?
"You've been like this, h-hinayaan lang kita nung una kasi I thought this is your way of mourning, your way of moving on. But I can't stand it anymore, hindi ko kayang makita kang ganito araw-araw, please hon" He sobbed more.
Doon ako natauhan, I looked down and give up from trying to remove his hands off me. I looked down and let the tears fall from my eyes. I'm awake now, wala na nga talaga ang anak ko. Wala na yung baby ko.
It didn't took even a second for me to break down, I covered my face with my palm as I let myself cry harder as Percy remained on my back hugging me. I can feel how he was trying to calm me kahit na s'ya mismo ay nasasaktan na.
Kahit s'ya durog na durog na. He hugged me and trying to comfort me with his tight hug. He was there for me all the time, but I didn't realize that there was no one for him.
He was hugging me, calming me while I'm back facing him. He was hugging me while there was no one hugging him back.
I immediately turned around to face him and hug him back. Doon ay mas bumuhos ang iyak ko na akala ko ay nailalabas ko na lahat. I'm awaken now, he woke me up.
I let myself cry all my tears with him, inilabas ko lahat ng sakit. I'm so miserable, miserable mother and now I'm also already a miserable wife.
I keep on hurting him without noticing it on my own. Gusto kong bumawi, pero bago 'yon gusto ko munang gamutin ang sarili kong sugat.
___
"Are you hungry?" He asks.
I just shook my head and smiled a bit. He starred at me and I starred back.
"Be honest with me with everything you feel okay?" He says.
I nodded and smiled again.
"I won't go to work—"
"You don't have to look after me for the whole day, you can attend your work. I won't do anything stupid. Kaya ko na" I said and tried to smile at him.
But he shook his head. "I want to stay and I'll choose to stay, until we're fine. Until we're better" he stated.
I just smiled and nodded.
He moved towards me and wrapped his arms on my waist as he put his chin on my shoulder. I can feel his breathe on my neck. I smiled, he's being too extra clingy.
"Hoy, ano yan? Masyado ka na yatang nagiging clingy sa'kin mister, baka ma-fall ka ha. W-Wala na tayong baby, you no longer have responsibility of me—"
"We're married, you are my wife, I have full responsibility of you hon—"
"Dumadalas na din yung paggamit mo ng endearment sa'kin, you know we can file a divorce or annulment naman since we no longer—"
"I don't want to, end of discussion" he then hugged me tighter, mas isinisiksik pa ang sarili sa'kin.
But I wasn't contented with his answers, I'm expected more. I want more.
"Percy, tell me what you feel or think about us" I said. Kung magkakasakitan na lang din naman kami, itodo na natin lahat.
Isahang bigay, para kung iiyak ako ngayon, okay na ako bukas. Kung masasaktan ako ngayon, hindi na bukas.
"I'm contented"
But I'm not.
I sighed and moved away from him. "Please Percy, tell me the whole fucking thing. Tell me everything, tell me if you already like me or not!" He starred at me.
He just stayed still looking at my face, watching my reaction. I forced a smile and wipe my tears off.
"Be open to me, because I already love you Percy. But you don't have to reciprocate what I feel for you, hindi mo kailangan na mahalin ako pabalik, you're not obligated to, if you don't like me, simply reject me."
I starred back at him. "Now tell me, gusto mo na din ba ako?"
Nakipagtitigan pa sya ng ilan pang minuto sa'kin, then he released a sigh.
"No"
