MOON • bts

21

For the next several weeks, I visited Namjoon and the boys everyday, bringing them food and company.

By now, the hospital staff recognized me, so every time I walked in I just headed straight to the familiar room.

I spent some time with Yoongi, Jin, and Hoseok, and then went to Namjoon's room. I entered the room, feeling my throat still caught looking at the leader laying almost lifeless.

I unpacked my small keyboard and Macbook and placed it on the small table in front of me. This had been my routine the last couple of weeks. I came to Namjoon's room and wrote music or lyrics. Sometimes I'd get distracted and just watch Namjoon. Normally, writing a melody or a song in general usually took me no more than a week or two, but this one song in particular has taken me all this time, and it still lays there in my files unfinished.

My fingers tapped my laptop in anticipation of a eureka moment that would add the missing pieces. I worked for a couple of hours, adding in instruments and layers or removing them, recording some small melodies to see which one fit, and scribbling down phrases and lines in my thought journal. I knew exactly what I wanted to write, what I wanted it to sound like, but for some reason there was always something missing, something I just couldn't get.

I stared at Namjoon's form. He was so beautiful. Everything about him. The times in the Rkive studio when he would stare at his screen in silence, then quietly hum a soft melody to himself. Ethereal. I had the good fortune of being able to observe him work observe him focused, in his element. I quickly became his go to sample voice, replacing Jungkook, and he would shove the mic in my face, telling me exactly what to record. We would laugh when he would purposefully modify my voice to sound extremely weird, or when he would sing along with me, barely being able to hit the note. And soon, because the deadlines of the album was coming up, he would never eat, so I would end up feeding him while we worked. But, somehow, through all that time I had never even noticed my own feelings for him.

I never even realized when or how I fell for him. But I did. And now, I sit here, hoping that he wakes up, so that we can make more memories together. So that he could be there for Jungkook and the rest of the boys.

Amid my zillion thoughts, Jungkook, Jimin, and Taehyung walked in. They looked tired and distressed at the sight of their hyung.

Jimin, surprised to see me there spoke up. "Moon-ssi? I didn't know you would be here."

"Yeah, I come here often." My face heated up.

"Noona, are you making music? Can we help?" Jungkook sat in the chair next to me. Taehyung followed.

I nodded and opened up the file. I played the sample that I had.

When it got over, Jungkook had tears threatening to leave his eyes. Taehyung just stared in silence.

"Noona. That was beautiful." Jimin nodded in agreement.

"Is this one of your new songs that you're going to release?" Jimin asked.

"I'm not sure yet. It's so unfinished. It's missing something."

Taehyung perked up, completely changing the topic.
"Wait, Jungkook, you call her Noona?"

Jungkook looked at him in shock. "Is she not my Noona?"

"Yah- we have to still call her "ssi" and you get to drop the formality?" Taehyung argues. Jimin and I watch as the two argue.

"Alright! That's enough. Poor Namjoon-ssi has to hear all this. Everyone can drop the formalities, please just call me Chaewon."

Taehyung, satisfied that the argument went somewhere in his favor, smiled.

We sat in silence for some time before we decided to go and spend some time with the boys in the other room. Taehyung, Jimin, and Jungkook left before me, and I told them I'd be there soon.

I packed up my things, slinging my bag on my shoulder. Before leaving I took Namjoon's hand in my hand. "Namjoon-ssi, I will see you soon." Right as I was about to leave, he squeezed my hand back. I stared down at our intertwined hands, shocked but also comforted.

I took one more look at him before turning the lamp off and heading to the other room.