What do Legendaries get up to?

Is the author alive?

arceus: aight everyone i've called you all here today for a very important occasion
dialga: i swear to living shit if its to do with your donuts
arceus: actually no, no its not. its about the author of this book and how she's left us all to DIE in the depths of.... uh... this book
mew: her account?
arceus: shut up i already made my point
arceus; anyways we need to go and check if she's alive
mewtwo: why i dont like her
arceus; well your life is currently going nowhere so unfortunately you have no choice
s.mewtwo: HAH
mewtwo: OH SHUT U—

arceus: but unfortunately, we need to prepare first, and this may take ages
kyurem: i'll help you search if she promises to give her switch over to either reshiram or zekrom
reshiram: GIVE IT TO ME SINCE ZEKROM IS SHIT AT ODYSSEY
zekrom: WE CANT SAY ODYSSEY ANYMORE THAT GAME IS DEAD
reshiram: STFU NOT IN MY HEART IT ISNT
kyurem: see
arceus: okay i cant make any promises but i'm sure she will do some stuff, but for now we need to gather equip-
lunala: she needs to build a different house for the ultra beasts to live in
solgaleo: EXACTLY ALL THE GODDAMN DOORS IN THE HOUSE ARE CUT INTO SOME FRACTION I DIDNT EVEN KNOW EXISTED
lunala: you dont even know that many fractions dear
solgaleo: how come the one time you call me "dear" is to insult my maths knowledge

arceus: look guys she will probably do all this for you but we need to prepare before we go and find her-
rayquaza: all your donuts are out of date
arceus: WHAT
rayquaza: you think they'd last forever?
kyogre; i thought god had the power to like. make them last forever idk
arceus: *opens donut drawer* oh mySELF THE EXPIRY DATE WAS YESTERDAY
dialga: i tried to tell you that but noooo i had to do my homework
arceus: shut up dialga, we're going to find the author so she can get me some donuts
kyurem: and do our other requests but okay suit yourself

*and so, they all travel far and wide to find me.... when i say far and wide i mean their own homes*

arceus: any success?
lugia: we literally checked the places that we know she is not in
arceus: well now we double-know she is not there
yveltal: wtf do we do now then
arceus: uhhhhh we check the places she might be in
yveltal; which is?
arceus; ...everywhere but our homes
reshiram: you're literally god, can't you just magically find her
arceus: my powers must only be used for important purposes
palkia: he means his donuts
kyogre: yeah but your donuts are out of date which is why we're looking for her anyways
lunala: excuse fucking me that is NOT the only reason we are—

arceus: holy shit guys the fish is right
kyogre: I HAVE A NAME
rayquaza: not that anyone uses it anyways
kyogre: FINE THEN. LIGMA.
rayquaza: OH MY GOD THE LIGMA JOKES ARE DEAD LITERALLY NO ONE LAUGHS AT THAT ANYMORE
zygarde: did someone say ligma
rayquaza: SHUT UP NO THEY DIDNT

arceus: it appears these are vital circumstances of which i must use my godly powers
giratina; do you know the definition of circumstances
arceus; do you know the definition of NO TV IN THE BASEMENT
giratina; you cant get it out haha
arceus: whatever mistake *uses powers idk*
*some map appears which does a weird search thing to find the author*
mewtwo: is this earth or our world
s.mewtwo: does the author exist in the pokemon universe?
mewtwo: did i ask you?
arceus: idk its some planet that inhabits life so close enough

*some radar thing suddenly beeps*
lugia: what is that
arceus; oh myself its the radar thing
lugia: what does that do
arceus: it says on the screen
*a wide box on the screen flashing "THE AUTHOR HAS BEEN LOCATED" appears*
lugia: for your information that was NOT there when i asked the question
arceus: anyways we found the author
dialga: where is she then
arceus: uh

*arceus does some analysis thing on his donut computer and it beeps idfk*
arceus: *gasp* she's been kidnapped
mewtwo: oh no whatever will we do... maybe we should just leave her be
arceus: stfu i need my donuts
xerneas: who's she been kidnapped by?