05. Your own worst Nightmare

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CW: Domestic Violence

***

I hate being hungover. But what I hate even more than that is waking up, and realising that last night wasn't just some fever dream.

It really did happen.

This morning I was greeted with breakfast in bed. Ben hadn't said more than two words to me yet. I guess he didn't know what to say either. But at least one good thing came from last night. Pancakes with Maple Syrup, Hashbrowns and coffee in bed. I liked that he put the effort in, although it was probably only because he messed up last night. I wish it wasn't, but I couldn't change the fact.

I plug the cord into my phone since I forgot to charge it when I got home last night. As soon as it turns on, I notice multiple messages that just came through. It was already 3 PM and all I'd done so far was, well: have breakfast. Wondering who had messaged me I unlock my phone.

Finneas:
1:34 am Did you get home safe? 

10:02 am Good morning Cherry-Pie, Is everything okay?

11:06 am Elle?

1:07 pm Finneas missed call

1:09 pm If you don't write me back till 4 pm I'm coming over!

Drew:
12:11 pm Please tell me everything's okay.

12:12 pm Your brother is close to losing it because he thinks he should've told you to stay at our place.

12:13 pm Which just to be clear... I think that he's not wrong.

Harry:
3:03 pm I am very sorry for last night. I hope everything is alright. Do you have time to talk today? Or if not maybe sometime in the next few days?

Sar:
3:09 pm Hey what are you up to? Do you wanna come to the studio? 

Okay, I expected a few messages, but not getting bombarded like this. The first thing I do is text Drew and Finn that everything was fine and Ben is normal again. Then I get up and walk into the living room to face Ben. He immediately looks in my direction, his eyes resting on me as soon as I step through the door, my arms crossed in front of my chest.

"Good morning darling." He tells me, putting his book down.

"More like good afternoon," I mumble, still standing in the door frame.

A sigh escapes his lips. "Can we talk? Please?" I can't help but notice the graveness in his voice.

I walk to the couch and sit down, acknowledging the distance I put between us. "I need to have a chat with you, too."

I notice a small nod from him, a sign that I should start.

"I love you, Benjamin. I really do. But- but I can't keep doing this. I find myself lying to my friends, to protect you. And I shouldn't have to do this. You shouldn't give me a reason to lie to them. But you do. And I – I don't know. I just don't know what is going on with you at the moment. I mean. Do you even still love me?"

"Of course, I love you, Elle!" He remarks, shaking his head vividly.

"Then why do you keep on doing this?" A plead swings with my question, wondering when it will stop.

His eyebrows furrow together, confusion visible in his eyes. "Keep on doing what?"

"Keep on hurting me." I clarify."Not only emotionally, but physically. Remember when you said you wouldn't do it again? After our last fight? But you did it anyway, with no hesitation there whatsoever. You didn't even care that my friends had to watch it all happen! And apart from all that you can't even support me in the one thing that I love."

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