Spend Some Time (Eminem Fanfic)

42. Tell Me

We break our kiss, only for him to pull his t-shirt over his head, and for me to get rid of the dress that I'm wearing.

Marshall then unbuckles his pants, and I lift up my hips slightly, allowing him to drag my panties all the way off my body.

His arms slide down my waist and land at my hips, slowly inching their way down my butt, squeezing it.

And then... I just freeze.

I don't know what it is, but my whole body goes numb and I shut down.

Then I start shaking.

I thought I could go through with this, but I just can't.

I thought all it took was for a man I actually love to touch me for me to get over this... aversion to sex that I now apparently have, but then the damn flashbacks come back, hitting me like a ton of bricks, and all of a sudden Marshall's face disappears and I find myself laying facedown on the floor of Cornell's house, with those 5 guys pinning me to the ground, and I feel so damn helpless and like I'm gonna throw up.

I manage to blink a few times, bringing Marshall's confused face back to focus again, staring up at me intently as his grip on my waist falters, and I jump off him so quick, feeling suddenly way too exposed around him.

"I'm sorry, Marshall, I can't," I mumble, swallowing back tears and trying to drag the blankets from the bed over myself to cover up my naked body.

"Mel, it's okay," I hear Marshall quietly say behind me. He shuffles himself closer to me in the bed, then thinks better of it in sighs, handing me his t-shirt to out on to cover myself up. I snatch it out of his hand and quickly pull it over my head. From my peripheral view, I can see him put back on his pants and reach for his wife beater.

I dare not look at his face because I just know he must be looking disappointed as hell right now.

"I'll be honest with you," I say bitterly. "You might as well just throw me away now, because I don't think I'll ever be able to have sex with you again."

"What the fuck are you... What do you even mean by that, Mel?" He suddenly sounds angry again, proving my point.

"What I mean is that I don't think I..."

"Nah, I heard what you said. I'm just trying to figure out the fuck kind of bullshit you trying to spew at me about throwing you away because of that. Do you really think that I just want you for sex or something?"

I still can't see his face, and it's hard for me to tell from his voice alone how sincere or not he might be right now, because he does sound kind of emotionless, but suddenly him even asking me something like that pisses me off.

I turn around to face him so quick and start pounding on his chest with my fists.

"What the fuck else would you want from me, Marshall?! Our whole... thing was based on sex!! Back when we were together, we used to fuck all the time! But now I can't fuck anymore, so obviously you won't stick around. I mean, why the hell would you?!"

"Yo what the fuck is wrong with you?!" He grabs my wrists to prevent me from continuing to hit him and squeezes them slightly, but not hard enough to actually hurt me.

Which causes me to yank as hard as I can trying to pull away from him, but he holds on, and that reminds me once again about those fucking guys, so I really freak the hell out. I manage to free one of my hands and slap him hard across the face. Marshall curses loudly, catching my arms again. This time he applies more force and pushes me backwards, actually getting on top of me and pinning me to the bed.

"Would you fucking chill yo!" He exclaims, breathing heavily.

That causes the tears to start streaming freely down my face, and I panic.