The life of an Indefinite Playerr

Chapter 20

Present day.

Even though everything hurt, I stopped caring. Well, I did it because, although no one likes to be in pain, it becomes a survival mechanism. I learnt to accept pain and let it drive me to my daily idiotic school routine, which included taking a shower, eating breakfast while watching stupid documentaries online, and dressing perfectly in my school uniform while my rational mind overcame my physical condition.

As the shower drops fell onto my cold skin, tears left me in disguise. They streamed out of my eyes, but still I held on to the sharp end of the knife and carried on. The emptiness inside this vacant house makes everything worse. It collects all the negative energy and blasts it all to my fragile heart. As much as I want to go and live with my father, I am still grieving and need some time alone so I can accept my mom is gone.

I groan as I look in the mirror after exiting the restroom with a towel around my waist. I just don't feel ready to face the world; my face looks off, and my hair is a disaster. Nevertheless, I am able to maintain a positive attitude and continue along the endless path of life.

My exposed elbows are brushed by the breeze as I walk through the school gates. Everything around the school appears brown as the autumn breeze rustles through the air and the leaves softly drop from the trees. I look up and see Rashin and Amanda strolling side by side. As soon as she sees me, Amanda dashes over to me and encircles me in a bear embrace. Her hug is warm and reassuring, and our heights add to the effect. Her flesh is warm against my cold face, her hair smells like shampoo, and her body smells like dark spices, which tickles my nose.

She swats my arm, "Hey!" To play with my hair, I raise my hand. Although I don't really know her or who she is, she has already given me a hug and started being friendly. What is wrong with people these days? We simply drank a cup of gin in a shed, but now she is cozy like we were always buddies."Hey, Amanda," I replied in a low, gently tone.

"You finally decided to show up for school?" she asked.

"You were expecting me?" I question, squinting my eyes.

"You Punk," Rashin shouts, disturbing Amanda who was about to respond.

"Hi Rashin."

"Why did you not tell us the other day your mom was dead?" he asked bluntly.

"Because I do not go around telling people about my dead mother, especially people I had just met," I explained.

"Makes sense," Amanda interrupts.

"Anyways you two, I have a class to get to now," he sighed. "After school sweetheart?" Rashin kissed Amanda on the cheek then turned to the school wide porch and ran up the stairs into the hallway.

"So how are you holding up?" she asked in a low serious voice.

"You know; I cannot really complain."

"Do not try to be strong for me, I do not really care how you feel." She stole a glance from the corner of her eye.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I questioned, crunching my shoes on the dry fallen leaves laid across the school courtyard.

"I mean that I don't care... I am just asking because it is the right thing to do. I don't even know you."

"Well you just threw yourself at me, what is that?"

"I was making Rashin jealous, do not fool yourself, or get the wrong idea," she scoffed with a smirk. She looks pale than the last time I saw her.

"Was he jealous?" I asked pushing glasses back, and started

"Well, you saw how pale his face was... he was beyond jealous," she giggled.

"I am not planning on making any more enemies because of a girl, so please keep me out of your dirty mind games." I was getting worked up with her around me. Something about her was both intriguing and annoying at the same time, I particularly hated it.

"What do you mean by 'any more'?" she asked ogling at me.

"James from my class does not talk to me because of some girl named Macarena." Her name sent shivers as I said it. I honestly could not wait to get inside school buildings and see her once more, maybe this pain would fade slowly.

"Macarena also hates you by the way."

"You do not even know her, Amanda."

"I do. She is my older sister." My jaw dropped, Amanda is Macarena's sister. Judging from their noses, I don't believe that. "She told me she now hates you."

"Did she say why?" I questioned, swallowing hard.

"That is obvious come on. You laid a restraining order against her, then she had to change schools because of you."

My head went still. I was trying to piece together the new information I had just received. When I walk through that, there will be no sight of Macarena because she changed schools, when she is particularly the reason why I came here.

"Wait...Wait...Wait..." I sighed. "What happened?"

"Your dad laid an order against, so for her to stay away from you she had to..." the bell went off, "...change schools. You know what, meet me at the cafeteria, I will explain everything to you. Afterschool."

She went off without a goodbye, swung her thin hips and went off. The thoughts in my head were racing, as that of a derby race. I could not think straight. I really wanted to kill my dad on this one.

...

One foot was already outside the school gates when the bell rang to signal the end of the school day. The anticipation was now intolerable, my temples were burning, and my heart was thumping more quickly than usual. I quickly ran up to my father's front big porch after crossing the entire town on foot. I exhaled as I stood in front of the door and then began pounding firmly on it.

The swung wide open. I saw Lola, my little sister standing behind it. As soon as she saw me, she jumped to hug me, and I bent a little to embrace my nine-year-old doll. She was one of the few females I loved.

"Son, what a knock you got there." My dad went down the stairs, in a blue three-piece suit, and pointy shoes. He went over to the table where the alcohol was and poured two glasses. He lifted his head and looked at me offering the other glass, "since the last time you were here, you came drunk, here is a glass of whiskey."

"No thank you." I put my bag full of books down and clear my throat. "Can we talk?"

"Sure." We went into his study, oak wood glimmering.

"Why don't I know about the order you laid against Macarena? Why did you even lay it?"

"Some decisions are made solely son; you should learn that about life."

"Not decision concerning my dating life, you had to tell me at least" my voice had started echoing sharply in the corner of the houses.

"Well then Patrick, I laid a restraining order against Macarena. I have told you now, are you happy?" My dad had never taken me seriously, ever. When we argued, he always looked down upon my opinions and never took them to consideration, and that is exactly what he was doing now.

"You are so stupid, and useless. You are good for noth..."

He scowled at me and snarled, "Say more thing and you'll get more than a smack." His forehead lines had deepened and were now very obvious. "Patrick, listen; you shouldn't love women. They come and go because they are unsure of what they desire. Don't let anyone through your heart; keep it close to your chest. Tracy will never love you, no matter what you do, and Macarena betrayed you while Selena courted you out of sympathy." 

He did have a point. I blinked my tears away and looked away. "Can I go now?"

"Look son, I am sorry okay? But what I did was necessary, for your own good and I hope one day you will understand why I did what I did. I am sorry though."

I got to my feet and said, "Thank you, but I have to go now." I stomped out of the hours after turning on my heels. I was struggling to make my way home as dusk was falling. I paced on with a sorrowful heart.