Here We Stand [H.S]

139.

The thought gave me insane butterflies as I pictured him being on his bended one knee, holding my hand and offering his life to me, promising to love and take care of me for the rest of his life while presenting me with whatever ring he chose for me.

The more I thought about it, the more I wanted it.

I wanted nothing more than to have a happy life being married to my one true love and best friend, spending the rest of our days in a horde of bliss.

I pictured us having the late nights, the early morning sleep-ins together, the endless takeaway menus and beers in bed, making love or having sex whenever we wanted too, dirty weekends away and holidays together, building our relationship and lives together with a house somewhere that we could call home... and hopefully, when we were both ready, a house filled with children.

I wanted chaos, fun and excitement... I wanted early mornings with school runs and Harry yelling somewhere that he couldn't find his socks and that the dog had pissed on his laptop again.

I wanted to see endless drawings and paintings hanging off our fridge that the kids' did proudly for us, I wanted to be rushed off my feet making the kids' lunches worrying if I've paid for the school trips and if I needed to run any errands.

I wanted Harry to rush in and kiss every single one of our babies on their heads, telling them he loved them before coming to me and kissing me goodbye... chants of "bye daddy!" and "have a nice day daddy!" thick in the air as he would leave for promotion or recording, or even filming if he wanted an acting career... all while the phone doesn't stop ringing, the milk carton has been tipped over and the dog is now humping one of the pillows in the living room.

I wanted to take my children to school, and watch the little humans I had created with the love of my life grow and nurture, making friends and growing up into beautiful, hard working and respectable people.

I wanted sleepovers, craziness, teenage hormones and tantrums, boy trouble (Harry maybe not so much) if we were blessed with girls... or cars, mud, play fighting, football practice and rugby tournaments if we were blessed with boys; I wanted it all.

I wanted Harry and I to have a life where we were just happy, healthy and secure, emotionally and financially, and then eventually have babies that would fulfil and complete our lives forever.

But before any of that were to come true, I knew I had to be realistic first.

I wanted to finish my degree, and I was deadly serious about becoming a psychologist.

I wanted my career more than anything and I wanted to build myself up along the way with Harry beside me; but mostly I wanted and needed us to move together.

We needed to learn to compromise and take the good rides along with the bad ones.

If Harry was serious about trying his hand at acting or even recording a solo album, then we needed to figure out a plan of action so we were able to both do our jobs without things getting messy, negative and without snapping at each other when he needed to tour or do promotion.

I never wanted to spend five weeks without him ever again, and if marriage and children were apart of our future, then that was a priority.

I, nor our children couldn't spend five weeks away from him, so it was absolutely clear that we had so much to think about and to discuss with one another.

"Harry, did you say you wanted pasta sauce?" Phoebe called out from the kitchen, to which I nudged him lightly to wake him, repeating her question to him again.

Harry looked at me as if I had two heads, before he focused his sleepy eyesight and realised what both Phoebe and I were asking him.

"Yes please," he croaked, coughing to correct his voice; "How long was I out for?"