Here We Stand [H.S]

111.

"I love you," I murmured softly, my lips gently brushing against her cheek as my finger slowly danced across her shoulder; "I think I already told you this, but I fell for you the second I saw you at the Gala dinner."

She smiled, "Naturally."

"You were just so... beautiful, so full of life, and I don't know, different perhaps? You weren't like other girls, and even though I fell for you there and then, when you told me about that prick, I was gutted but determined not to lose you. I felt that strongly about it, about you."

I don't even know why we were talking about him, but I guess it was comforting in a way, reminiscing about our relationship and everything that we had been through together.

"I know, hence why you hassled for my bloody number and Twitter. I knew your game, Styles." She teased.

I swear she smiled a little, and it made my heart soar.

"It wasn't a game." I remarked playfully, "I just... I don't know, I can't explain it. It's like, once you've had a taste of something- you can't get enough. And I couldn't get enough of you... you had me, hook, line and sinker from the very second our eyes met. I was done for."

Izzy smiled, her fingertips now gently brushing and stroking at the skin just above my knee.

"Sometimes I wonder what life would have turned out like if we hadn't have met."

"I think we would have," I admitted, "Just different circumstances, maybe."

"Do you believe in fate?" she asked, sitting up from my lap and gazing at me.

"Absolutely." I whispered, "I believe you were sent for me, and I was sent for you..."

"You're my angel," she whispered back, "Through all the bad stuff... you're the only good thing I have in my life."

"That's not true, you have your Gran, and Phoebe, and little Callum now-"

I appreciated the sentiment, but I wanted her to realise that she had so much more goodness in her life.

"I know, but it's not the same." she replied, "You're like... my everything, Harry. You love me, you fight for me, you protect me... you love me so much that sometimes I need to take a step back and breathe for a second."

I watched carefully as she stopped, her hand immediately shooting towards the inner crevice of the deep dip of her lower stomach.

"Have you taken any of your medication?"

She shook her head, and I sighed, trying not to get upset or upset her.

"Why not?"

"Please don't think of me being silly or stupid, okay?"

"I won't." I instantly responded, "But baby, they're meant to help you-"

"I don't want help, Harry." she whispered, "When... when it happens, I want to feel it all."

I felt winded, like she'd grabbed hold of my wind pipe and began suffocating me.

"Babe, that's-" I breathed, puffing out oxygen as she looked up at me.

"What? It's what?"

"Isn't that a little much?" I awkwardly asked, "I mean, is that your way of punishing yourself?"

"No," she whispered, "It's just my way of dealing with it."

"Stopping yourself from being medicated to deal with the pain of it isn't dealing with it, Izzy."

"Do you think I'm being silly and stupid?" She asked timidly.

"No." I answered briefly, "I just think you should re-think this through. Those meds are there for a reason, I don't want you suffering anymore than you should be, Izzy."