Most of the time you act like you know everything, but in reality, you're just a kid— well, not entirely, but in terms of "youth". You deny the things that you know will ruin bigger things, and decide that it will be better to pretend that the little pieces of your problems don't exist.
Just like now.
Irene looked at you with a worried look, a pang of guilt that slowly creeps into her.
"I'm sorry, Y/N... you know... about last night."
Was she truly sorry? If so, for what— for loving you? For seeing something loveable from you?
Despite the protests and worry in your head, you kept your eyes on the road and fought the urge to look at her eyes— because if you do, you know she'll read you like an open book.
You smiled and shook your head.
"It's okay, Hyun. You're drunk, and I know and met even drunk-er people than you. They've done worse."
So, you consider her love as something horrible and close to being "worse"? You were so focused on driving her back home, that you failed to see Irene's desperate gaze on you— wishing and hoping that you'll approach this differently.
She doesn't want you to forgive her, she wants you to ask and be intrigued, but here you are now, so accepting and relaxed.
Irene wants to explain herself further, elaborate on her feelings even more, and know your thoughts about them. She had been through so much, that she wanted you to challenge her and make herself prove that she should be the one you're thinking of 24/7.
Despite her being an idol and worshipped by millions of people, here she is now— sitting beside you as herself, and not just as "Irene". She wanted to argue, she wanted to talk. Yet here you are, so accepting and in denial of everything. It infuriates her.
"You think of me, kissing you, pouring out my feelings last night, as something close to being horrible? You think of it as a joke, is that it, Y/N?"
"What? No, that's not what I meant, Hyun—"
"Then what? Are you going to tell me or are you just going to dust everything off under a rug?"
As the traffic light turned into a stop, you and Irene's argument progressed. Voices are starting to get louder, while the music from your car radio is being drowned by desperate attempts of each other to be heard and understood.
"Look, what do you want me to say? That I liked it?"
Irene's eyebrows furrowed at your words, that's not the words she wanted to hear. You thought of the wrong things to say.
"Well, did you?"
"For fuck's sake, no!"
Then comes silence.
She knew this would come, but she wasn't expecting you to reject her this harshly. Irene then slumped back to her seat and focused her gaze back on the window beside her— she knows that if she continued to look at you, she will break completely.
From all the pieces she tried to complete you of, this is what she got in return. Not that she minds and expects that you reciprocate her love, but she was expecting a kinder and softer approach to rejection.
"I know you wouldn't,"
Then a sniffle.
"You could've at least been kind about it, but instead, you keep pushing me away. I was hoping that you'll ask me why I love you, Y/N."
Irene, then, opened the door and stepped out— turning to face you with her teary eyes.
"That is what I wanted for you to say, for you to ask, Y/N. It's never been about the kiss, it's why I kissed you,"
She wiped her eyes before her tears were even able to roll down her cheeks.
"I was just hoping that maybe you'll see the reason why I love you, but I guess that doesn't matter much to you, right? After all, you've seen way worse from other drunk people."
With that, she closed the car door and took her bags with her— heading back to her family's house.
You used to hope that someday, someone will look at you and think that you're loveable, but now that someone truly does think you're more than just a pretty face— it's something that you can't truly have your reality grasp on to.
But did you really not like the way how Irene's lips felt on yours?
Life and everything had been so rough on you, and her lips— that night— were the only thing that felt soft in your life. Everything was right and felt right, but you can't seem to feel right about feeling okay. It seemed like things had to be hard on you, that you don't deserve anything— Irene.
A lot of things swarmed in your head right after Irene left your car, and a lot of questions are starting to form, but maybe it's all because of the corks in your eyes and a bully inside of your head that you can't think of anything other the things that you don't deserve in life.
YOU ARE READING
The End Of All Good Things
FanfictionY/N Lee, an arts major that left Korea to study in Canada. He came back to Korea to live his remaining days, and got reunited with his childhood friend Bae Joohyun. Little did Joohyun know, Y/n has some things in his head that bothers him greatly...
