Part 8: First and last love

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After your psychology session with Dr. Hyungsook, you’ve decided to walk around for a bit before returning to your house. The cold temperature of Seoul calms your thoughts, but sometimes you can’t avoid thinking of bad things. Your psychologist asked you about the new medications that your psychiatrist gave you, at first you were anxious to buy them, after all, the side effects of the drugs that you’re taking hurts your insides like hell. Sometimes you think about giving up your medications just so you can feel peace once more, every time that you take your medications, your stomach is going crazy- that even at night, you’re suffering under your warm and cozy blanket. Almost close to not having a proper sleep at all.

After buying your new medications, you’ve decided to visit a park just to prepare yourself once more for your new medications, but before you were able to sit down on a bench, your eyes widen as you look at the person in front of you- you can’t believe it. At first you thought it was all just a dream, but no, it’s all real. You stood there frozen on your spot, if it isn’t snowing, you would still be frozen on your spot. There you see your first love standing in front of you as well, looking at you with a surprised expression obviously plastered on her face.

 
“Suzy”

That’s all your mouth can say, after all, things have not gone okay with the both of you. Although you two did not ended your relationship because someone cheated or because of anger, it still hurts you to see the person you forcefully have to let go. She then slowly walked towards you, and you can feel your heart beat loudly inside your chest. Anxiety is slowly eating you up again. You told yourself that you’re over her, you told yourself that you two are better off with each other, you also embedded in your mind that you two are happier if the two of you ended a dying relationship, but you were wrong. You still love her, you didn’t get better without her, you weren’t at your happiest when she told you that you two should end everything- basically, everything in your life got messier without the person whom you loved the most.

As she stands in front of you, she can’t stop herself from caressing your face and admiring how far your transition had come. Before the two of you broke up, you were still on your pre-T, meaning your feminine look is still there, but now you look manlier than ever, considering the fact that you’re finally taking testosterone shots.

Suzy, the Bae Suzy smiled at you with visible tears on her eyes, threatening to fall any moment. You can’t help but stare and admire her features, you missed her so much. It’s been 7 years since you’ve seen and felt her, and seeing her right now feels surreal to you.

“I missed you”

 
So, the feelings were mutual after all these years of fooling yourself and forcing yourself to believe that all is well on her side. Are you ready to give everything a second chance? Or just continue the path that the both of you have decided to trek? I think we both know the answer.

You held her hand and gave her a warm smile, the smile that the other Bae wishes to see every day, your smile never ceases to bring joy to anyone that gets to see it, even a glimpse of it.

 
“I missed you too… Suzy”

 
While the two of you chuckle, her tears started to roll down her cheeks, and you decided to wipe it with your thumbs. Now, the two of you are holding each other’s faces, remembering how it feels; how euphoric it feels.

 
“I see that you’re an idol and an actress now”

“And I’m guessing that you’re an animator now”

“Yeah, I am”

“Just like what we promised each other back in the day, that we will be successful no matter what”

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