The End Of All Good Things

Part 18: The sun sets again

The faint crunchy sounds of the sand had been the ambiance between you and Irene's date. Walking along the shorelines of the Jeju island was Irene's idea, and to go out to a nice fancy restaurant in Seoul was your idea— in the end, the smaller one won.

"Move your lazy ass, Y/N!"

Irene's voice broke the trance you are in right now, you snapped your head up and saw Irene's wide grin. Much like how she is with snow, she is also with sand. She loves the things that go well with the weather.

You countered with a chuckle.

"And what exactly am I supposed to 'move my lazy ass' off for, Hyun? You wanted us to walk, and now you wanted me to run with you?"

"Well..."

The shorter one stopped her tracks and looked at you, her hair waving along with the current of the air around you both.

"... just because I thought of it first, doesn't mean I can't change it"

"You need to choose certain things in life, Hyun"

"And you need to understand that most things change in life. After all, change is the only constant thing in life, despite it being an ironic thought to ponder on"

True to her word, things do change from time to time— nothing is constant, even your mother's love for you has changed over time, what more when it comes to simple choices like this one?

It's funny how things turn sour with every realization that comes along your way, if there will be a time when things go along the flow of your plans, that would be great. However, much like what Irene said 'change is the only constant thing in life' and maybe God's plans for you have changed after you came out as a transman.

The bigger question, however, is did he even has a plan with you, to begin with.

"Do you plan on walking with me, Y/N? Or you're just gonna stare at the sand?"

Irene's cheery voice has, once again, snapped you off of your destructive trance. Looking up at her, the grin on her face never left her— how comforting she looks, resembling the comfy sheets of your bed; a fluffy duvet.

After spending your time walking around the place and buying the snacks sold from stalls, you two have decided to sit near the shore and wait 'till the sun sets.

Like what you have experienced with the other Bae, you're once again looking at the sunset— the orange-yellow shine of the sun on the water never fails to make you fall deeper in love with the sun and its sky.

"Hyun?"

"Hmm?"

The idol looked at you, curiosity shining in her eyes.

"Have you ever wondered what it's like to reach the bottom of the ocean? What it's like to see the things that the sun cannot reach?"

"Sometimes, I do, but most of the time I'm thankful for the things that I can see now. Why, would you like to see what's under the water?"

With a sigh, comes a lot of unsaid things from you.

"I guess I'm just curious about how it feels like to slowly sink underwater while seeing a lot of things that no man has ever seen before"

"Well... I suppose that's another question for someone that would be able to accidentally discover new things in the sea. You're curious about the sea, Y/N. You should've taken marine biology instead of Arts"

You chuckle as a response.

"I suppose you can say that I would willingly give up the air in trade of knowing its secrets"

Although Irene isn't that fond of swimming and all, she now finds your curiosity a bit intriguing. You're right, what is at the bottom of the sea? And why does she want to know as well? No matter, she wants to spend her time with you today and maybe tomorrow she can think about that again. Right now it will be you, her, and the shallow waters of the sea at the moment. What's at the bottom will come out soon, for now, she wants to indulge in the things that are within her reach— you.

Joohyun then turns her focus at the sun setting in front of you two.

"What's the sudden question about the sea, Y/N?"

"Nothing... it's just that I guess I find the ocean as something poetic and beautiful,"

But was it nothing? Was it truly out of curiosity and admiration for the sea?

You haven't truly opened anything up to Irene ever since you moved back to Korea, but one thing that she doesn't know is how slowly you become impulsive and carefree. One of the impulsive decisions and thoughts that you made one night is when you filled your bathtub with water and decided to submerge yourself completely— just so you can see if you can hold your breath longer. What's odd about it, is when you didn't even bother changing your work clothes before doing so.

Nothing bad happened at work that time, but you rushed back home as soon as you were done with your work. The only things that you bothered saving are your phone, wallet, and keys that were inside your pockets.

The longest time an average human being can hold their breath is one minute and thirty seconds. You, however, were able to hold your breath for two seconds longer than the average— and as you abruptly sat up from the tub, you were panting and soaked, even your leather shoes were now ruined. That leads you into doing it every time you feel like you should be "training" to hold your breath longer. Although you're not a swimmer, you aimed to do it as often as you could from now on.

Nobody knows why, and you don't even know what for, but you know you'll going to be needing it for something soon.

"... but I suppose the sunset is more beautiful, isn't it?"

Oh, if that was not something that Irene knows so damn well.

You and poetry have always been a great pair, but your choice of words and symbolism is something that an ordinary person could overlook, but not Irene— not the person that cares for you in secret.

She didn't bother looking at you despite her heart almost leaping out of her chest out of anxiety. Instead, she held her composure and scooted closer to you, resting her head on your shoulder.

"Mhmm... I think so too"

She thinks so too.

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I am not dead (Unfortunately), here's a chapter that I've been keeping in my drafts for months now.