Can't Shake You

(36) Closure and A Visit

Two days later...

Marley and Pietro were sitting in bed watching. Pietro pulled out his letter. He looked at before opening it. He silently read it then passed it to Marley to read.

Pietro, I want to say that I'm sorry for hurting you. I realized that I was selfish, inconsiderate, insecure and jealous. You loved me wholeheartedly and I took that for granted. I was so stupid for cheating on you because I realize now that you were the one for me. I got with Buck to hurt you because I was so jealous of you and Marley. I was miserable without you and frankly I still am. You were the one for me, but I let something so stupid drive a wedge between us and cause me to make the biggest mistake of my life. I claimed that I loved Buck, but I didn't. I only truly loved you. He and I only connected physically because we both were trying to get over you and Addie. The other reason I did what I did was to hurt Addie. My jealously towards her started in 7th grade, but it got worse once we got to high school. Even though she never treated me badly, I was so consumed with jealously that I let it blind me into hurting one of my best friends. I regret everything I did to you and I hope that one day you will forgive me. I realize that I never deserved you. I'm glad that Marley came into your life, was able to pick up the pieces of your broken heart and put them back together. She loves you in a way I wish I could've. I'm sorry that I chose this way to apologize to you, but I feel that my time is up. So this is goodbye forever and I hope you and Marley have a wonderful life. I will always love you DJ. Love, Yelena

"Gosh she was worse then we all knew," Marley said stunned.

"She can say that she loved me, but that was clearly not true. She couldn't stay faithful to anyone. I'm just glad I found out before I married her and met you," Pietro says rubbing Marley's 6 month pregnant belly.

"I'm sorry about this babe. I know how much you cared about her and I'm sure it hurts to read this, but at least you have closure now, "Marley said before kissing his lips.

"Yeah you're right darling. Thank you for supporting me through all this. I don't know what I would do without you," Pietro started lovingly. Marley kissed him and said, "I love you too baby."

Pietro pulled her onto his lap as she giggled and kissed her.

Meanwhile in North Carolina... Nat and Steve went to visit Addie in North Carolina. She picked them up from the airport and brought them back to her place. They had a sushi dinner, their favorite snack, desserts, plenty of alcohol and caught up with each other. Nat and Steve tell her about Nat's letter. Then they pulled out Addie's letter and gave it to her. She decided to read it aloud.

Addie,

I want to say I'm so so sorry for hurting you. It was my jealousy, insecurity and unhappiness that drove me to hurt you. Not to mention everyone was right about me. I am a horrible person. You never did anything wrong to me and yet I betrayed you in the worst way. I don't even know how or why the jealousy started, but I should've talked to someone about it because it was more serious than I ever thought.

I realize after everything that I wanted to be you. I wanted to be smart, beautiful, talented, kind, classy and strong like you. Even after you changed because of me and Buck's deceitful actions, people still loved you and wanted to be around you. You didn't care what others thought and lived your life the way you wanted.

Instead of sleeping with Buck, I should've told him to talk to you and to find out why you were reluctant to give him what he wanted physically. I now understand that I was blind to the situation. I ignored how he talked down on you, made you feel emotionally unsafe and would find ways to humiliate you because you weren't like the rest of us.

I admired that about you because you weren't afraid to be yourself. I hate myself that I was the reason Buck lost everything including you. Yes I know he chose to lie, cheat and deceive you, but I I played a huge role in that by making a move on him and playing on his emotions.

I wish I never slept with him or cheated on Pietro because I would be with the love of my life right now instead sitting in this wheelchair writing you. I used Buck to try to get over Pietro, but even to this day it still hurts terribly. When I saw Pietro admit he was in love with Marley, I should've known that my deceitful actions would come with a price.

That price being 3 miscarriages, being ostracized and being paralyzed. I knew Buck didn't love me or care about me. I noticed all the times he looked at you, got jealous when he saw you with other guys, jealous when he heard you had been with others and was hurt when you broke up with him.

I totally ignored the signs when everyone tried to tell me, but I was so deep in that I realized no other guy would want me which is why I trapped him into getting me pregnant right after that party he pulled you out of. He almost forgot me there again so I purposely missed my birth control and poked holes in all his condoms which I learned now is a form of rape.

I realized that he never wanted to let you go and was completely hurt when you admitted you aborted his baby. He chased after you the day he found out and left me sitting there like a fool like all the other times he's left me in the dust for you. I threw up right after that and three days later I lost our second child. Once again karma came for us.

As much as it hurt him, he wasn't even close to upset when I had all those miscarriages the way he was with your abortion. In fact I think he was secretly relieved.

I knew he married me to do the right thing by me and our son, but I knew he wasn't truly over you and still went through with it. I thought if I gave him the things he wanted from you that he would fall in love with me, but I was just kidding myself. Besides the promise ring, his gifts were never special or personal like he gave you with the exception of Valentine's Day that year we got caught.

He always tried to find reasons to ask about you, be around you and talk to you. Even though he said that you and him could've co-parented with your child, I knew he would've tried to use you all's child to win your heart again. Buck lashed out at you because he was actually hurt that you moved on and truly didn't care about him.

Our relationship was based on sex and all the wrong reasons. I also realized that Buck was always yours, I was just too consumed with jealousy to face the truth. He was in lust with me and not in love with me. He was crazy in love with you even though he tried to deny his feelings and pretended he was ok after the break up.

He doesn't know it, but there were times he called out your name when we had sex and called your name in his sleep. He told me you burned all his stuff. Well one day I was helping Winnie search for Christmas decorations and found a hidden box. In the box was everything you ever gave to him and the pictures of you two. I also found your promise ring in the bottom of his underwear drawer when I put up his laundry.

Once I tried to play music from his phone to try to set the mood and found a hidden playlist that was named after you. It showed that he had recently listened to it when I wasn't around. Then one day I answered his phone while he was in the shower.

I accidentally went in his hidden private picture album and found pictures of you and of you and him. They were nothing like the ones we took. It clearly showed how much you loved each other versus ours. It looked just like we were just hooking up which showed the day you exposed us by showing those pictures at the musical theatre showcase. Even though I don't regret our kids, I know this wasn't the life we were supposed to have.

You were supposed to be happily married to him and the one to give him babies. It wasn't supposed to be me that lived in the house with him, slept next to every night, confided in and experienced holidays with.

He never made love to me, I just got sex. I know that it was just sex because I only got to experience making love with Pietro. Even though sex with him was good it never measured up to what I experienced with Pietro. He only cuddled with me when I asked or needed comfort. A lot of our affection was solely based on sex.

I messed up with everyone in my life causing me to feel even more lonely, depressed, broken and ashamed. Maybe if I hadn't messed up I would be happily married to Pietro right now. My karma has come full circle and I have to accept that this is the cause of my deceitful actions. My parents told me the day we were busted that I would one day come to realize and regret my decisions, well that day has finally come.

I'm truly sorry from the bottom of my heart because you and Pietro didn't deserve this. It shouldn't have taken me losing all my friends, my parents pulling away, Nat wanting nothing to do with me or trusting me, being ostracized by everyone, bullied, humiliated, having several miscarriages, no one coming to our wedding other then our parents and grandparents, banned from coming to all our friends' weddings, not being an aunt to Nat and Steve's children and becoming paralyzed for me to realize how f*cked up I truly am.

Nat was right when she said I was really desperate to seek attention from Buck or any guy for that matter and that karma is a b*tch. I was also obsessed with Buck because he had you and I thought maybe if he was with me that I could get the same love from him.

But I realize I was real wrong because no matter what I did he still desperately wanted to talk to you and be apart of your life. Even after I had his baby, I know I will never measure up to you no matter what I do. I was so insecure and the one person who never made me feel bad about it I betrayed terribly.

Funny thing is even though I married Buck, I still cheated on him. You were right in saying that I'm a horrible person. I had four affairs that ended in miscarriages, a unwanted baby that I claimed was Buck's, me being paralyzed after the wife found out and hit me and lastly the last one causing me to be blacklisted job wise and for proof of my infidelity being sent to Buck.

I should've apologized to you when I had the chance, but it wouldn't have been enough. I feel like this is my only way out of this misery that I've lived in for all these years. I know it's selfish of me to do this, but Buck and my kids deserve better. I hope Buck tells our story so that our kids don't make the same mistakes we did.

I also want to remove myself from Buck's life so that he can make amends and return to the one he truly loves and cares about. I made him a victim too in all of this, I was just too selfish to care about how he felt.

I hope that one day you will forgive us, but especially him. I hope that one day you will allow him to fix his mistakes and love you the way you deserve. This is my last goodbye and I truly hope that one day you find happiness.

Sincerely,

Yelena

Addie rolled her eyes as Nat and Steve shook their heads. "She was already dead to me so there was no point in me coming funeral like I told you all on the phone," Addie said.

"Apparently one of the wives whose husbands she had an affair showed up the funeral and approached Bucky," Nat said.

"Yeah Bucky's demeanor was angry the whole time. Then as soon as they finished speaking, he left. Apparently he went home and packed up all her stuff and was having movers take it to Ivan and Natalia's house. He was looking for you at funeral. I don't know why though," Steve said in a bit of a laugh.

"Not to mention, he's been asking all the parents about you and have been trying to find out where you are. Apparently he wants to make amends. We told everyone at Thanksgiving to keep him away from you after you left that day so no one has given him your information or location," Nat replied.

Addie scrunched her face up in disgust and walked up to her fireplace that was going. "Oh well. Rest in hell b*tch," Addie said as she tossed the letter into her fireplace. Steve and Nat shook their heads and laughed at her before they started up a movie marathon like they did in high school.