One Heart

35. No steps closer

Kensie dusted the dirt from her leathers as she exited the vehicle. In the weeks since Sorah's disappearance, they had followed five leads and had returned each time with nothing. "Drink?" She looked to Rin and raised her brow in the hopes he could provide her with a temporary distraction. She didn't miss the glance he shot at Anna. "What now?"

Anna stifled an eye roll. "Don't you think you should keep your mind clear? We may need to return to the field at any time."

"For what? Another failed mission where we become no closer to finding my wife?" She shook her head and turned her back on the both of them.

She walked through the lower levels of the castle to her quarters. Not their quarters, but hers. She couldn't stand the warmth of her royal suite, or the constant reminders of Sorah, so opted to stay in the residence she held as Queen's Assassin. Even there, she wasn't free from the memories of the brief moments they spent in her bed, but at least it hadn't been their home. It hadn't been the place they would spend hours entangled with one another, communicating with their bodies and their minds.

She walked to the liquor cabinet and filled a tumbler half-way with amber liquid, which she downed a moment later, before pouring again. She heard footsteps a moment before the knock at the door.

When she opened it, Rin stood on the threshold. He held up an aged bottle of scotch before his eyes fell to the glass in her hand. "Ah, you've started without me hey Kens?" She huffed a short laugh and moved aside.

Settled on the couch, he placed the bottle on the coffee table before standing to retrieve a tumbler from the cabinet. When he sat, he looked over at her with narrowed eyes. "We're going to find her."

"Don't."

"But we are, you can't give up."

She reached for the bottle and refilled her glass. "I have not given up." The words left her lips in a growl. "But I'm sick of hearing it when it feels like we're just getting further away from finding her." She sank back into her chair. "So let's not discuss it. Talk about something else."

"Well..." He hesitated but at her nod continued. "Ella and I have kind of started seeing each other."

Kensie's brow lowered. She wracked her brain trying to remember who Ella was. From his tone it was clearly someone she knew. Her mouth opened and her face relaxed as she pieced the name with a face in her mind. "You mean Clarke? Lionheart Clarke who's been going on our missions with us?" When he gave a sheepish nod, she smiled and downed the remaining contents of her glass. "That's good. I'm happy for you both."

They continued to drink, and half-way down the bottle Kensie felt the fiery burn of the spirits warm her. Darkness blanketed her mind as the alcohol lowered her inhibitions enough to voice her demons. "What if she's dead, Rin?"

"Let's hope she's not, and in the meantime, we keep looking."

"The guy we found in the first compound said Kahahn would give her to his soldiers as a reward. What if that's true?"

"It..." He grimaced and trailed off. "She's strong, Kens. Not just in her power but in her mind."

Kensie dropped her head against her palm. "How could I let this happen?"

"It's not your fault, you know that."

She disagreed, but didn't voice it. What was the point. He was her friend, a trusted comrade, he would never tell her that it was true, that she should never have left Sorah alone. A knock at the door startled her out of her thoughts. As she broadened her senses, she located Anna on the other side.

"It's open."

When Anna stepped over the threshold her eyes fell on the two almost-empty bottles of scotch. She lifted her gaze to meet Kensie's as she stared back and downed the contents of her glass. "I assume you're not here for a drink?"

"No. I'm here because we have a meeting with national and international government officials. Two companions, and one human ally."

Kensie cocked her head. "That's today?"

"It seems so, yes. I lost track of time while we were away."

Kensie's head fell back. "Okay, give me ten minutes to get myself ready."

"There's no need to change, they are aware of our circumstances."

***

Kensie listened while the government officials spoke, feeling the weight of the alcohol and their latest mission upon her. 

"Your Highness, rest assured we will provide you with any resources you need for your search."

Kensie nodded. "Thank you."

"And you will continue to aid us in gathering intel?" Anna aimed her question at no one in particular.

A foreign minister, Kensie couldn't remember his name, spoke up. "Yes. We are monitoring all travel in and out of the country. If Her Majesty leaves this continent we will know about it."

"We appreciate all the help you can give us." Anna stood, bringing the meeting to a close.

"Of course... she's our queen too after all." He stepped away from the table and extended his arm to shake hands with Anna and Kensie.

With the formalities over, Anna saw that they were escorted from the castle by one of her assistants. She clicked the door shut and turned to Kensie. "So you're still sleeping in your old room."

"I am. Is that a problem?"

"You should consider returning to the royal wing where there is adequate protection for you."

Kensie huffed. "I can protect myself."

"So could Sorah, and look what happened."

"And where exactly did that take place?"

Anna shook her head. "You should be close to your family. You're shutting yourself away down there." She dropped her arms to her side. "You've shared only one meal with your family since she went missing."

"It's hard being around them. You're okay because you don't try to fill me with hope like they do. All they do is try to make me feel better, when nothing can."

"I see." Anna clasped her hands together. "Please consider at least moving back in to the royal suite. As for the rest, if you need company when they're too much, just ask."