I love me

Chapter 30

-Aiden

I could feel my heart beating in my throat. I never thought Kyle of all people would come looking for me. Why were they looking for me in the first place?

When they pulled us over I panicked and told Liam to drive off and lose them. We were on our way to Tay's house now, speeding as if my life depended on it. I can't believe I was going to jump off of a fucking bridge. It all seems so stupid now.

I ignored everything around me as Liam followed the directions of the GPS to the house. I found myself appreciating everything and everyone in my life more than I did before. Tay and her family gave me everything, even though I can't give them anything back.

I almost threw away everything I loved.

I couldn't push down the thoughts in my head that told me I was selfish. Selfish for trying to leave everything behind when the people who want me to stay are right in front of me.

The drive back home wasn't very long, especially with the speed we were driving at. I decided not to mention this to anybody. Ever.

I told Liam to drop me off a few blocks from the house so no one would know I drove off with some stranger. I could see Kyle's car standing in the driveway as I got closer to the house. I had a strong feeling they were going to be very mad at me.

It started to rain lightly while I kept walking. I didn't want to walk any faster. My heart kept beating faster the closer I got to the house.

I finally approached the driveway and then I just stood there. Even though my legs felt like they were stuck to the ground, I swallowed down my fear and made my way through the door. I could hear Taylen yelling. As soon as I closed the door she stopped, and then I heard multiple sets of footsteps coming directly in my direction.

I nervously waved at everybody as they came into my view. Everyone was silent. You could hear a pin drop. "Uh, hey everyone. I- I just went for a walk. Heh." I said with my voice trembling a bit. "Are you fucking kidding me!?" Tay screamed. Then she ran over to me and gave me the biggest hug she's ever given me.

"You never fucking scare me like that ever again, do you hear me?" She squeezed me tighter until I almost couldn't breathe. "I won't. Promise."

She finally let me go and then Jenna rubbed my shoulder. "We were worried about you, young man."

"Yeah! They were goin' all crazy! I just thought you were doin' some Tinder, or what do they call it these days?" Nathan said before looking at Jenna for help.

"I think it's called grind her, honey. Aiden wouldn't be on that." My mouth was left agape at the craziness that was coming out of their mouths.

"Maybe there's a grind him!"

"Oh my god dad, it's called Grindr for christ's sake!"

"Language!" Both Jenna and Nathan yelled at the same time. "Everyone, I am not on any dating apps, thank you." It was at this point that I realized Kyle was still here and he has been silent the whole time. He couldn't even look at me.

I decided to leave to spare him the anger of having me near him. "Okay, everyone. I'm sorry for worrying you. I'm going to go take a shower." I smiled and then I made my way straight to the bathroom. No Aiden. No more tears, and no more sadness. Get your shit together. I thought to myself.

I took deep breaths until I calmed down. It worked for the most part.

I quickly turned the water on and got in. I let the hot water soothe me and calm me down. I feel like I can finally push this stupid day down the drain with the rest of the shower water. I made a promise to myself to never try to leave the people who love me ever again.

For the first time in a while, I was able to keep my mind calm. I focused on feeling the water on my skin and being present instead of letting my thoughts race. It was a calm experience that I could definitely use more of from time to time.

After my shower, I walked to our room and put on my pajamas. I walked up to the window to see if Kyle was still there. His car was gone. I miss him already. I knew that I'd miss him forever.

I closed the curtains and then I fell into the comfort of the bed that Tay shared with me. It was just what I needed after this terrible day. I spread my arms and legs out over the blankets and almost fell asleep right away.

I wondered where my life would take me next now that I wasn't planning on dying anymore. Would I ever see Kyle again? He was the right person at the wrong time, and all I could do was hope that he'd still be the right person in the future.

I realized I'd have to start thinking of university soon. Maybe I can study somewhere out of town so I can have a fresh start. I still want to be close to Tay, though. She probably wants to be close to Sheila.

My phone was hanging halfway out of my pocket. I grabbed it and searched for universities that were affordable, but also a little further away from this town. I'd have to get a job to pay for everything, so I also searched for possible jobs in the areas of the schools. There weren't many options as you could imagine. Most of the good ones were out of state.

Maybe I should start thinking about possibly moving to another state if that's what I have to do to make it all work. I could still see Tay whenever I got the chance.

I was interrupted by the door swinging open. I quickly locked my phone, not wanting Tay to see what I was doing. Then I realized it wasn't her at the door.

"Hi, Aiden." He said with a tensed jaw and tears in his eyes.

"Hello, Kyle."