I love me

Chapter 27

-Aiden

He looked like he knew what was coming and it only made me more nervous. It broke my heart that I had to do this. I felt ashamed and I could barely keep eye contact with him. He looked so happy to see me when I walked into the diner and for a moment I was happy to see him too.

I realized we went silent after I last spoke. I could feel the anxiousness radiating off of him. I can't believe I'm just supposed to break up with him. I was at war with myself. I shook my head and decided to stop overthinking and just do it.

"Kyle, we can't do this anymore. I can't do this to you." He looked at me with different emotions swirling through his eyes. They were filled with hurt and confusion.

"Why are you doing this?" He said barely above a whisper. He made sure he didn't break eye contact. It only made it ten times harder for me to say what I needed to say. "I'm sorry Kyle. I really like you, but I don't want you to be stuck with my instability. you deserve better than what I can give you right now."

"Hey, Kyle! Lunch is over!" The lady at the register yelled at him. She's probably his boss. Tears began to slip out of his eyes one by one while my own tears threatened to fall. I couldn't stand to see him like this and it is all my fault. I got up and ran out of the diner as fast as I could and I didn't dare to stop.

I passed a countless blur of people and cars. I ran as far as my burning lungs would let me, which was only a few blocks. I've always struggled with asthma.

My hands found their way to the back of my neck as I let my tears slide down my cheek. I was already struggling to catch my breath and crying was only making it worse. I sat down after I almost fainted from lack of oxygen. My head felt lighter and my chest felt tight.

My hands gripped and clawed at my chest, desperately trying to fill it with air. It felt like I was having an asthma attack, but that was just fine with me. I wanted to stand here until my lungs gave out.

Eventually I got too dizzy to stay upright. I fell down on the grass and stayed there. My eyelids grew heavy while I looked up at the sky. Dozens of clouds in many different formations passed over me until I couldn't keep up any longer.

It became peaceful after a while. The sky started shifting colors from a light blue to a bright orange. I stayed laying down in the same position. The clouds were almost completely gone as the air around me started to feel colder.

Everything smelled like fresh cut grass and dirt. My fingertips hovered over the soft green blades and I blocked out the sounds of the street next to me.

I noticed a head full of light brown curls replace the sky in front of me.

I frowned at the sight. I took in the light brown eyes before a hand blocked my view. It almost annoyed me that he put his hand in my face like that, but I know I probably looked weird just laying here on the ground.

I took his hand and he pulled me up in one effortless motion. He was stronger than he looked.

"I'm Liam." His voice was also much lower than I expected. I had a feeling he was going to be full of surprises. "Hey, Liam. Thanks for helping me up."

He pursed his lips and gave me a small nod. I noticed I couldn't smell the grass from up here, and the sky seemed to have lost its enchanting effect.

"What's your name?" He asked in a very uninterested tone. He looked like the type of person to not give a shit about anybody but himself. I didn't need more of this in my life.

"Yeah, no. See you around, Liam." I waved at him as I turned around and walked back in the direction I came from.

I wasn't entirely sure where I was, but I knew I was still in town. When the diner came into view I knew the rest of the way home.

The walk was filled with cold air and screaming thoughts that I couldn't silence. I tried to stay present by touching tree leaves as I walked past them or doing breathing exercises. Nothing took my mind off of Kyle and what I did to him.

I never meant to hurt him at all. I thought I was doing him a favor. I still think I am. He'll see it's better this way.

I realized I was standing on the sidewalk across from Tay's house when I finally snapped back to reality. I wasn't ready to go in yet. I leaned against a tree nearby and tried to relax while I watched the house.

The bark of the tree was sticking into every inch of my back, but I didn't mind it. I started fiddling with my nails and biting my lip as I fell back into my thoughts.

What if I just sat here for hours? Somehow after everything, I desperately craved to be alone instead of having the comfort of everyone at home. I've always preferred going through things on my own. When you include other people, you just end up dragging them down with you.

I pushed myself away from the tree and started walking. I went in any direction as long as it was further away from this stupid town.

The time started to bend in ways that didn't feel real to me. I didn't know time anymore and I definitely didn't care for it.

I unconsciously blacked out every now and then while my feet carried me to an unknown destination. My brain would go blank and it would feel like I'm not seeing anything. I was too stuck in my mind.

Something did catch my eye on the road up ahead. It was a bridge in between this town and the next. I've heard stories about this bridge before, but I've strangely never been here.

This would be the perfect place to be alone. I don't know much about the town next to ours, I just knew it was pretty much abandoned. My town wasn't a very busy town either so there were no cars.

I walked up to the railing of the bridge. I inhaled the scent of rain. I probably should've brought an umbrella. The sky was pretty much full of grey clouds ready to burst open and I don't know how I didn't notice it before.

I let my hands glide along the rusty surface of the railings as I stared at the dark blue water. It looked like it would swallow anything whole and nobody would even notice.

My fear of heights seemed to dissipate. The distance between me and the body of water below me didn't scare me at all. Instead it felt inviting.

I wondered what would happen if I jumped. Would it make me feel more alive? Would I survive? Do I even want to survive?

My feet slowed down until they came to a stop. I swung one leg over the railing and then the other.

I slipped and gripped onto the railing as a gust of cold wind threatened to force me off of the bridge. Even nature wants me to jump. I looked down at the water once more before exhaling. I wanted to make sure there was no air left in my lungs.

A tear escaped my eye as I breathed out my last whisper. "I'm sorry."